This is a general question to men and women, gay or straight, about what keeps somebody in your “friendzone”? If you like a person for certain qualities enough to want to spend time with them, what barriers are there to being more than friends?
I was talking to Miss X the other night about two male friends she has recently been spending time with. She feels no attraction toward either of them. For one of them, that feeling is certainly mutual. In the other case, she thinks that he has a mild crush on her. Mild, and nothing that won’t present a problem to their friendship. She has given me specific reasons for why she is not attracted to either man and though she admits that they both have attractive qualities, they aren’t enough for her to desire more than friendship, or there is something about them that does not appeal (one of them is too much like her ex and the other has no ambition).
When she tells me what qualities she does like in a man, I have to cautiously admit that I do fit her type. I realise that this does not exempt me from the friendzone and I’m not getting my hopes up that she feels that way about me. But that is for the future, not to think about now.
For me, the friendzone is not always clear cut. It is most definitely about personality rather than physical appearance. I couldn’t be with somebody with no interests, no sense of adventure or desire to see the world. Though they might have qualities that means I enjoy their company, or I might find them physically attractive, I could only see them as friends. Yet I also have had friends with whom I had a lot in common but simply did not fancy them, even when they were physically appealing to me. Perhaps there comes a point for me where I see them more like a sister than a friend.
What about you? What keeps people in the friendzone for you? Could you stay friends with somebody who knocked you back? Could you stay friends with somebody that you knocked back, would you always wonder whether they still harboured those feelings for you?