The wheels are in motion. Last week, the wife and I filled out the paperwork to begin the process of divorce. This is the beginning of the end of our life together. A piece of paper with my signature at the bottom declaring my desire to remove all legal obligations between myself and this person.
To be honest I feel relieved more than anything. Being stuck here, in this area, in a job I have come to loathe, in a house where I increasingly feel trapped. Once this is finished, one weight will have been lifted from my over-burdened shoulders.
Due to the mutual nature of everything (including the cited reasons for divorce) and the lack of financial commitments or children, the process should be swift. I expect to be a free man by the end of the year, if not sooner.
Though I am still living in this house, I don’t expect to be for much longer. This week I have made enquiries about rooms and studio apartments in the area. It might be a struggle, but I believe that it is now financially viable for me to leave.
Besides, I feel that living here is having a negative effect on my mental health. I’m not sleeping properly, my mood is low a lot of the time and I don’t have much of an appetite. I’m losing weight and although I’m pleased to be doing so, it has less to do with running regime than my mood suppressing my appetite. At least I’m not getting the desire to binge eat as I was last year.
Also, I’ve had a falling out with my mother-in-law over her neediness and how they both expect me to play diplomat in their bickering. She also keeps wanting to create the illusion of happy families and that includes expecting to be a priority in my life and wanting us all spend time together every night.
And since that day I’ve started to see her more and more as the manipulative control freak that she is. I can’t be dealing with it any more; I refuse to invest any more of my time on somebody I partly blame for destroying my marriage with her controlling nature and desperate need to be right about everything. She clearly resents any expressions of independence from me or the wife. She is needy and dependent and wants everybody else to be as dependent as she is. This state of affairs must end now. I have always resisted it but now I am conscious of every small act of her dependent nature.
After a good session with the therapist last week, I already feel my spirits lifting. I will keep you posted.