Yeah, I’m getting the itch and the frustration of having nobody close to me right now. I know I need to focus on me, building myself up for a better future, to realise my inner strength to move forward but right now I’m really missing having a physical closeness with another human being. Occasionally hugging my soon-to-be-ex-wife doesn’t cut it. In truth I feel nothing when I hug her now so in that respect at least I have moved on.
I don’t actually mean sex (though I most certainly do miss that!) though I’m sure I would miss sex more if my wife and I had been at it all the time or at least otherwise had a healthy and normal sex life. But we weren’t at it like rabbits and we rarely had sex so I can’t miss what has so far never been a big part of my life. Long-time readers may recall that a lack of sexual compatability was one of the reasons for the breakdown of our marriage.
What I mean is having somebody to hug, to kiss, to hold hands with, to lock arms with, to cuddle up next to on the sofa. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and I’m really missing the emotional connection of that sort of intimate physical closeness. For me, it is the most painful aspect of my separation and I know I won’t have it again until I start dating and for any relationship that goes beyond a first or second date.
It’s painful because it is something I feel I really could do with right now. Virtual hugs from Miss X? I get those all the time but as she lives thousands of miles away, it’ll be a long time before I get to hug her again. We were affectionate and warm toward each other when we met three months ago despite that she is generally reserved.
It is really hard when you are an affectionate person and really crave it when it isn’t on offer.