I finally did it. I moved out of the mother in law’s house yesterday after spending most of the morning packing up what few possessions I had remaining there (most of it I moved into storage at my parent’s house a few weeks ago). I now live in a small room in somebody else’s house 10 miles away from where I spent Saturday night.
I feel numb. I feel weird. I feel drained of all emotion knowing that I will never again sleep in that house, knowing that my life with them – for all of its fault, problems and plus points is over. This is where the divorce takes one more step in feeling more that little bit more real.
It’s not that I will never again return to that house, there is still some of my stuff there. But I know that day is just around the corner and if I get one of these two jobs I’m being interviewed for this week, that day will come much sooner than originally expected.
I know I’ve been focussing on the positives in the build up to the physical separation and expressing relief and sometimes joy at the prospect of getting out of that environment but last night I found it incredibly difficult to see the plus points. My mood sank and all of those negative emotions about what I have lost (or has been taken from me) came flooding back.
I know this is for the best and I know I will bounce back in no time but I was a mixed bag of emotions last night and this morning I just feel numb. This is all too weird.