This weekend I finished working through my self-help book Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennell. For me, this is now where the journey really begins. I now have the tools to fight these demons and hopefully build for a more confident future.
I know I have to work at this, to use the methods in the real world. It won’t be easy and I expect the occasional relapse but the key is not to give up because I know that when I have put each method into practice during the book, I’ve felt better afterward.
Do I feel more confident? No
Do I feel my drive and determination returning? Yes
Do I feel like a failure? These days, rarely
Do I still feel self-conscious about things? Yes, but far less than I did and less often. I still get nervous when talking about myself and my interests but I’m getting better at it.
Do I feel despair? Sometimes but that is more to do with my current situation than any long-standing issues.
I’ve stopped calling myself “useless”, “pathetic”, “weak” and “stupid”. I’ve stopped the automatic assumption that if something doesn’t go right it is because I am incompetent or incapable of carrying out simple tasks.
It hasn’t helped with everything. I still feel that I have no attributes attractive to the opposite sex (sometimes even that I am repulsive) and that I’m destined to a life on the shelf. This is mostly because I have no contrary evidence to challenge it with. But if things don’t improve I know I can contact my psychosexual therapist.
Over the coming weeks I will discuss the methods in greater detail and how it has helped so far and how I expect to proceed with an action plan.