Posted in Dating / Relationships

Dating sites – a few observations

I’m no expert on the cattle market world of online dating as I’ve only been on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish for one week. I’ve already begun to get an idea of the sort of things that annoy me about women’s profiles.

Interests: socialising, going out with my mates, pubs, clubs, drinking

I used to go clubbing once or twice a week when I was in my teens and early twenties so I have no problem with people who do even if in your thirties you probably ought to have got the all-night bender out of your system by now.

No, my problem is the lack of other interests. Is that all you do, get home from work get changed and go out to a bar? When I used to go clubbing it wasn’t all I did. I had other interests. If you put “running” and mention in your summary that you started this year then great! We have something to talk about and maybe if we hit it off and are comfortable enough to meet we could run together.

Photographs

Actions: I want to see you doing interesting things. Photographs of you in bars in fancy dress tells me very little about you and it seems that pubbing is your only interest

Hidden face: whether we are prepared to admit it or not both men and women are attracted by physical appearance. Just because you don’t think you’re pretty it doesn’t mean that I won’t

Mix it up: Nor do I want to see every photo from the same night out. I want to see you in different settings. Here’s you in the Lake District after a 10 mile walk, here is you at a Jubilee party in jeans and t-shirt, here’s the goofy mockery of a modelling shot. Show me your personality. Show me YOU

Eight’s a crowd: Yeah we get it, you have lots and lots and lots of female friends. Why do you need to show us your entire “girl’s night out” clan in every shot? I’m looking at you as a potential date, friend or long term partner, not your entire sisterhood. The other problem is if you all look the same dressed up for a night on the town, you’re often difficult to tell apart under all the make up 😉

Baby shot: Ok, some men are looking for a potenial wife and mother to intended future children. Some men are more than happy to be in a relationship with somebody who has children from another relationship. With divorce on the rise that is common these days; that isn’t the issue here. What I cannot understand is why childless women put photographs of themselves with other people’s children (their nieces, nephews, baby cousins, best friend’s kids etc). Maybe I’m being cynical but nothing screams “I’m desperately seeking someone to get me pregnant while I can still have them” than something like that. It is actually off-putting. At this point we are not interested in your extended family.

Profile Statement

Drop the cliches. I’m already fed up with seeing these words/terms on every. damn. profile: fun loving, down to earth, chilled out, outgoing. Please, make your profile stand out from everybody else because when they are all identical it eventually becomes a blur.

Chip on the shoulder: Because nothing turns a man on more than you pointing out how we’re all lying, cheating scumbags and demanding we prove you wrong. Yup, you’re the first person I’m going to message

Looking for my Mister Grey or Edward Cullen: I’m not quite sure you live in the real world.

List of demands: Must be and must not be list currently stands at 20 and rising every week. I have no desire to go on a date with a woman who takes a clipboard on a date with her, checking off a list of traits to ascertain whether I’m worthy of her time. We all have our preferences and our deal breakers but for some it is a demanding and unrealistic list that nobody could ever hope to live up to… no wonder they have such difficulty.

It is generally banded around that on the average dating site there are 50 men or more for every one woman. Perhaps this is why so many women on these sites aren’t willing to put in the effort. They know they’re going to get lots of messages every single day and maybe, just maybe, a small proportion of those will be worth investigating.

Thoughts?

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

5 thoughts on “Dating sites – a few observations

  1. I guess your right, I started mine with “I’m a gamer Chic. If your not a gamer, don’t know what D&D 4.0 is and don’t have a tier 13 set of armour please move-on; my mining corporation needs my time and I can’t accomadate you.” Not exactly inviting, but was quick and to the point in my mind. Sounds like your giving this a good kick start, just don’t get jaded in the first three weeks.

    1. yeah, I did something similar with my interests. I didn’t want a generic profile because I know the sort of people I want to mix with.

      And personally, I think girl-gamers are really cool!

      1. It’s crazy, but to me it’s all the generic profiles that seem to make me feel more special; My Mil(one)lion guy, didn’t just say hey lady want to club, he had to actually read me and know what to right for my attention, I feel you should do that. It’s easy to have some-one that clicks, but a true kindred spirit is a treasure. Make them work for it; write something in the middle of your profile public enough to write, but personal enough that a truly interested person would get it. Know that they did more than just perused your pictures. 🙂

  2. More important is what you put on your dating profile. Even if there are way more men than women on these sites (which I doubt), your job is to attract them and get them to do the work. Of course a certain amount of basic information is required but you have to get the women to read your profile first. Therefore, following the advertising gurus you need (1) an attention-grabbing first sentence, (2) the offer (that you will reply to all messages – this shows you’re not flaky), (3) the call to action (message me to find out more!).

    1. Like any kind of personal advertisement really.

      I’ve changed my profile a few times already so that it reads less like a cv each time. Getting the balance right isn’t easy though

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