Think back a few months when I was compelled to tell Miss X how I felt because some guy who lives several states away was wooing her.
They’d scheduled a meeting this month. Since then she has been keen to point out to me why he would be such an awful choice of boyfriend for her (he’s not a bad person, just that he has three or four “deal breakers” for her). She knows it can’t go anywhere despite that she enjoys his conversation and attention.
He is with her now and on Facebook she has referred to his stay as a “date” (quote mark emphasis hers). I’m just finding it a bit painful right now. The friend side of me is happy that she has met somebody she clicks with and she deserves to be happy but the side of me that has a decade-long crush is hurting and there is nothing I can do except let it play out over the next few days.
Self-critical thoughts reared their heads again last night after a week-long high but I’m fighting back as best I can. And now that I’ve met someone on a dating site who tells me I’m a “really lovely guy”, that she “enjoys my company” I’m slowly improving.
I must also remember that she asked to meet me for our second sort-of-date. From hereonin, I will refer to this friend as Little Red (because she is short and has red hair).
I’m not really looking for a response here, I’m just trying to make sense of my own thoughts. Blogging about this stuff does help to clear my head.