Posted in Mental Health

Back on anti-depressants

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I could feel it coming. I have had a very bad month what with the loneliness, the feelings of despair at a vicious cycle that wouldn’t break, the fact that I haven’t heard anything from Miss X and have no idea if we’re even friends any more, the terrible sense of loss that goes with that and everything else I feel I have lost over the last year has not helped.

This weekend was horrendous. On top of this the person that helped my ex-wife destroy our marriage has now visited that house and I felt weird going in there after he’d gone. I kept expecting to see stuff he might have left behind, or reminders that he was there. I was actually anxious being in the house and made my excuses and left quickly after we spent the day together. Even while I was out, I could feel my mood was about to crash. I spent Saturday evening mostly in tears and though I went out Sunday on my own for a walk, to do some food shopping and go for a little drive, I was in a serious depressive state and spend most of Sunday in tears again at the slightest little thing.

It didn’t help that the ex-wife told me that she would be distraught if we ever broke contact. I didn’t really need that while I’m still worrying about what is going on with Miss X (my gut reaction is that things with Mister Unsuitable didn’t pan out and she has also sunk into a depressive state but I won’t know until I hear from her). I am unable to concentrate on many things. I’m not motivated at work and all I want is to get out of the area. Running seems to be the only thing that gives me focus right now but I fear that might suffer as the days get colder, darker and wetter.

So I went to the Doctor this morning, he gave me the short questionnaire and concluded that I needed to go back on the anti-depressants. I’m on an initial 28 day prescription and I have to return in three weeks to evaluate the situation. So here I am, at my lowest point in over a year and needing pills to pick me up. I struggle to find the motivation to blog here too so don’t expect much action over the coming weeks.

I know it is nothing to be ashamed of, I just hoped I was through the worst of it by now.

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

6 thoughts on “Back on anti-depressants

  1. Nothing to be ashamed of at all, and as much of I hate the use of the slogan, “every little (does) help”! If you find something that works for you, then it’s worth taking it up. Good on you and hope they help, if not then I find exercise is a good drug too! 😉

  2. That you recognisze that the “grumpy moods” are there and depression is coming, tells me your healthy. The meds are just there to take the edge off and running is a great way to help too. Keep up the good prgress you have been working so hard for and it will pay off.

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