Posted in Dating / Relationships

Are women competitive when it comes to men?

Had a bit of a heart to heart with the landlady a couple of days ago over a glass of wine. I filled her in on the story with Miss X and discussed my surprise at the apparent escalation of interest from Little Red. As a former business headhunter who recently decided to vacate the rat race, she had a theory that it was about female competitiveness. Let me explain what she meant…

I was honest about my feelings for Miss X from the beginning in discussions with Little Red. I thought nothing of it at the time as I didn’t expect to meet her at all, let alone so quickly and let alone for a second date and now a third date. In a previous email I’d told Little Red that Miss X and I had fallen out and that this was partly responsible for my low mood. When we met at the weekend I filled her in that Miss X and I had agreed to cut communication while we focussed on ourselves and agreed to talk again down the line. I explained that I was now happy that we would never be more than friends and that I needed to withdraw in order to get over this very long term crush and move on.

My landlady believes that Little Red is seeing her opportunity to make a move while Miss X is off the scene, before such time that she possibly changes her mind and comes crawling back. Now, I know that is highly unlikely but as Little Red does not know Miss X and does not know the full story, she would have no way of knowing that this will not happen. If my landlady’s theory is true, (and assuming that she does want more than friendship) Little Red can see an opening and is moving in while she has the chance. This is possible I guess…?

So ladies, this one is for you. Are you that competitive? Are your friends? Or is my landlady’s view skewed by her background in the cutthroat world of business?



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

6 thoughts on “Are women competitive when it comes to men?

  1. Some ladies are that competitive, also competitive is not the correct word, oppertunistic is. If your landlords assumtion is correct Little Red is more than interested in you, sees there is a potential in you to have strong emotional and loyal ties, by the way you express your previous crush; that she most likely finds attractive. With the distance of Miss X, she is given the oppertunity to now shine for you and hopefully in her mind it could blossum. Women whether strong self sufficient, or a little insecure, want a man to want them. And now is her oppertunity, with you, whom she is interested in. Remember the third date asking was in your court, but she seized the moment and asked you for dinner (which in my opinion should be considered the real date, not coffee).

    1. Thanks for your input. Your opinion mirrors mine. Clearly we don’t have quite the cynical view that my landlady has! I think the distancing of Miss X and myself is merely coincidental here. I think a real display of opportunism (or competitiveness) might have come about if Miss X had changed her mind or we were otherwise communicating regularly again.

      As far as as I am concerned next week’s dinner is the first date proper. The first coffee was too long ago and this second one, she was clearly not at 100% due to recovering from illness. We still managed to make each other laugh though. I can’t wait for this dinner date, maybe we’ll see if there is some real potential there.

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