I’ve always bee such a trusting person but over the last few months I’m starting to lose my trust in the female half of the species. I don’t want to feel this way, it is an unpleasant experience for somebody who has gone through life always trying to see the best in people.
I’m still hurting from a lot of things, my wife never having been in love with me and being used as an ego boost by Miss X to be shoved to one side now she has a boyfriend in a man she continually hammered home that she could never be with somebody like him.
And now Little Red… It all seems far too good to be true and I’m expecting to head for another fall. She cancelled our dinner date due to having a quick sale on her house and an urgent need to find temporary lodgings. I don’t want to feel I am being strung along, and I am probably not, but it has got to the stage where I expect to be strung along and disappointed where women are concerned. It doesn’t help that from the first coffee I was convinced that she’s out of my league.
I have to keep reminding myself that she asked me out to dinner, that when she cancelled she wanted to rearrange. I have to remember that she wanted to see me, that she wants to keep in touch but that doesn’t kill the niggling doubt.
Due to lack of experience in these things, I fear I will no longer be able to tell the difference between genuine attraction and being used as a toy to boost one’s ego. I fear in future that I will dismiss all female attention as the latter.
The shell around me is building again and I’m constantly reminded just how emotionally vulnerable I still feel.