Posted in Mental Health

The fear of trust

I’ve always bee such a trusting person but over the last few months I’m starting to lose my trust in the female half of the species. I don’t want to feel this way, it is an unpleasant experience for somebody who has gone through life always trying to see the best in people.

I’m still hurting from a lot of things, my wife never having been in love with me and being used as an ego boost by Miss X to be shoved to one side now she has a boyfriend in a man she continually hammered home that she could never be with somebody like him.

And now Little Red… It all seems far too good to be true and I’m expecting to head for another fall. She cancelled our dinner date due to having a quick sale on her house and an urgent need to find temporary lodgings. I don’t want to feel I am being strung along, and I am probably not, but it has got to the stage where I expect to be strung along and disappointed where women are concerned. It doesn’t help that from the first coffee I was convinced that she’s out of my league.

I have to keep reminding myself that she asked me out to dinner, that when she cancelled she wanted to rearrange. I have to remember that she wanted to see me, that she wants to keep in touch but that doesn’t kill the niggling doubt.

Due to lack of experience in these things, I fear I will no longer be able to tell the difference between genuine attraction and being used as a toy to boost one’s ego. I fear in future that I will dismiss all female attention as the latter.

The shell around me is building again and I’m constantly reminded just how emotionally vulnerable I still feel.

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

10 thoughts on “The fear of trust

  1. I know this feeling all to well. But KEY KEY is not to let the lady who as asked you out see your fear. This only scares a girl off. I know this to be true. Also never ever think she is out of your league-you are putting yourself down before you have even given her a shot. Maybe you are just what she is looking for. Don’t get in a slump I know it is easier said than done but chin up. Trust in you!!

    1. Thank you 🙂

      I am so relaxed around her that I don’t even think about it. It is when I’m alone and brooding that I start to think “she could have any man she wanted, why might she want me?”

      And I know that I must not assume that I’m not her type in every way.

      1. It is the times alone that a friend of mine told me…”MONKEY MIND” sets in. I have so many of those fears, and I am a girl. It happens to the best of us because someone did something really crappy to us once. All it takes, once…or repeated.

        I wish you the best~hard to put your heart out on the line.

        1. Thanks for the encouragement, these things are never easy. As much as I try not to dwell too much on the past, it isn’t always easy to bury the thoughts that result from past negative experiences.

        2. By the way, do you know that the web address to your blog in your avatar is wrong? It is missing an “s”.

            1. Yup. I figured out it needed the extra “s”. It’s just that if you hover over your name “maryam” on the comment, the link is wrong because it is missing the “s” and redirects to “that blog doesn’t exist”.

            2. I am glad you found it I do have several other blogs where I post my sad horrible days on, but this one I try and keep upbeat..

  2. I find if you go into a situation with neutral expectations, the people who are good to you will leave you feeling happier than expected and they will sense that. Focus on the date as the chance to meet a new person and build a friendship. You’ll know if you feel romantic vibes or not. If she doesn’t reschedule and things end up fizzling out, in your mind say, “Thank you for allowing me to spend my time and energy else where and for letting me know that I am one step closer to finding the REAL person I am supposed to be with.”

    Either way, you come out on top. 🙂

    1. Thanks. It is just difficult to remember that sometimes, especially with the hang ups that I have.

      My other worry is that she will lose interest if I do the opposite, I assume I’m going to get knocked back so I’m standoff-ish and she starts to think I’m not into her.

      Tis a crazy world is dating!

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