So of course I have the full blessing of my ex wife to go on as many dates as I wish as often as I like with whomever I wish. She is also more than happy to hear about them and even hopes to see me and Little Red end up together.
I find it amusing and sweet that we can be this open with each other about me dating, such has our friendship grown as our marriage dissolves. She asked me the other night (following my date with Miss Outdoors) whether I’m feeling more confident around women.
I have to answer in two parts here.
Partly, no I am not. The self-doubts are still there and I am concerned about getting too close as I still expect to be passed over for a better option: better looking, richer, more successful, taller, more charming, more confident etc
Secondly, though I have now been on dates with four women (with a fifth offer last night) and had a second date with one of them, I’m not sure that “confidence” really describes what I’m feeling. I’ve never had a problem making friends and I always mix well. But as these are dates, it is expected that I would feel anxiety.
But I don’t. I’m not even thinking about it. Therefore I’m not worrying, panicking or feeling anxious. I’m not sure this emotional neutrality and simply not over-analysing the situation would qualify as confidence? Certainly I’m enjoying the female attention for the first time in my life but at the same time I entered online dating with no expectations based on an understanding that the average response rate could be as low as 1/50. With low expectations, even when you get to the “first date” stage, you can’t be disappointed.
Is my lack of worrying “confidence”? What do you think?