I recently subscribed to the insightful and often amusing blog You’re Just a Dumbass!.
One particular article caught my eye about on-line dating. I found it pertinent and interesting to see whether I have / do fall into those traps described in the list. After an honest evaluation and relief that it doesn’t apply to me, I decided it was time to offer a few pointers the other way.
1. Don’t lie about your age. Ladies, seriously, why do you do it? Is it because you want a younger man? Then say so! Plenty of men in their 20s would be happy to date a 40+ Go look for them, they’re out there but don’t message me, a 37 year old, claiming to be 39 when you are clearly about to celebrate your 50th.
2. Obscured face. You’re on a dating site. Why don’t you want people to see what you look like? If you’re embarrassed that you’ve had to resort to online dating then perhaps this isn’t the environment for you. If it is because you don’t think you’re very pretty then why not let me be the judge of that?
3. Children. It is a good idea to mention them from the start. A friend of mine recently went on a date with a woman who, after chatting for weeks, didn’t mentioned her 10 year old daughter until the end of the first date. He doesn’t presently want children but does some day. Tell him and then give him the option of whether he dates you or not. The reason he hasn’t contacted you back was because you were dishonest that and he doesn’t want to be a dad/stepdad until he is ready. Secondly, if a profile says “doesn’t have children and doesn’t want them” please respect this. This is precisely what my profile says yet I have had messages from single mothers and one currently pregnant(!) woman asking to meet me. I don’t want children. Ever. I’m sure your kids are awesome but NO MEANS NO.
4. Laziness. I can understand to a certain degree why you barely put anything in your profile. You probably get so many messages that you hardly think it is worth the bother and if you get 20-30 messages per day, maybe 1 per week might be worth responding to. But that is no need for laziness of this kind “I like going out, catching up with friends and the occasional night in”. Ummm…. yeah so you like going out sometimes and staying in sometimes?! Wow, I want to marry you!
5. Cliches: Tall, dark and handsome required to sweep me off my feet! [FILE UNDER “NO IMAGINATION” AND MOVE TO NEXT PROFILE]. More modern variations include “looking for my Mr Grey” or “Edward Cullen wanted”.
6. Faking being an intellectual. According to recent research, men do prefer women with brains and in my experience, women are seeing the potential in faking it. If you have a Master’s Degree why can’t I decipher your profile? Why don’t you know the difference between “your” and “you’re”? or “their”, “there” and “they’re”? Why do you ryt n txt spk? I h8 it! If the only book you’ve ever read is Fifty Shades of Grey then don’t call yourself “avid reader”.
7. Bitterness. It ain’t sexy, trust me. We’re sorry that “jerks” on here have wasted your time and treated you badly but that’s not my fault and it isn’t going to compel me to message you following your vitriolic assault on my gender
8. Checklist dating. When you put a list of demands that a potential date must be or must not be you narrow your field and you’ll wind up without a single date. I’m not talking about stating a handful of dealbreakers here (not interested in smokers or divorcees), I’m talking about listing 50 or so attributes that a man “must be”. One profile I visited stated the following list:
* No shorter than 5’10”
* No taller than 6’4″
* Must be of dark complexion
* No bald men
* No ginger men
* Not too skinny – I like my men with meat
* Not too overweight – I don’t want to be crushed by you either
* Must have stubble – no beards (make you look old) and no clean shaven (make you look young)
* Must be highly educated
* Must have a good job
* Must have his own place
* Must have a car
* Never married
* No children
* I don’t want a man who wants to introduce me to his parents after the third date
* I don’t want a man who still won’t introduce me to his parents after three years
* Must love cats
* Must be a rare drinker
* A man who drinks wine and not beer
* Non smoker
* Must not be an only child
And that’s only those things I can remember. I really wish I’d saved it and posted it to this blog! If I ever come across it again I will do just that. I can’t imagine that girl gets many responses personally.