Posted in Separation / Divorce

The Gold Ring Thing

My wife is going through some financial difficulties so I advised her to sell her wedding ring and that I wouldn’t mind if she did it before our divorce was finalised. I’d rather she had a few hundred quid in her pocket than hold on to a piece of gold that she will never wear again. She said she would consider it.

I on the other hand still do not feel I want to sell my ring until the divorce is confirmed. Not that I expect or hope for an 11th hour reprieve (I most certainly do not) but I feel there is symbolism in a lot of things and it would not feel right to me to sell it before receipt of the decree absolute. Selling the ring would be the finalisation of the divorce as it was the first physical bond of the marriage. That is how it works in my mind anyway, I don’t know how anybody else here might see that.

I remember the day I found my ring. I took so much care in selecting it because I wanted it to be perfect. Expense mattered not, it had to call out to me and sit right on my finger – after all I intended to wear it for the rest of my life. It is two different coloured gold, white and yellow. There are no stones but there is a distinctive pattern around the edge that gives it a certain ancient Roman feel to it. I loved it – it was perfect and though not cheap, it was far from being the most expensive I had seen that day.

It is amazing how a rounded piece of gold either with or without precious stones can have so much meaning. It says effectively one thing: I am not available. But I am available, I am dating with the blessing of my wife and I felt no need to wait until the divorce was finalised before stepping out into that big wide world of finding Miss Right or Miss Right For Now.

If I ever find her and if I ever get married again, I will spend no less effort on again finding a ring that “speaks to me”. For some, the wedding ring is about the outward value, an ostentatious and perverse display that states “look at how much we spent on these rings to prove we love each other”. For me it was not about the outward value but about how it fits the dynamic of the relationship being united.

My ring was unusual yet comfortable, distinguished but not ostentatious, beautiful in its simplicity, timeless and charming and that’s all the things I believed my marriage to be.

But I was wrong. Now that is gone and the ring is a symbol of what once was and it will pass onto the finger of a man who might find greater happiness in wearing it.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

2 thoughts on “The Gold Ring Thing

    1. Thanks. The way I see it is that it is now a meaningless piece of expensive metal. I’m contemplating selling mine in the New Year too

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