Inspired again by the wonderful You’re Just A Dumbass! I want to talk about egos in the dating game. Not in terms of arrogance, but in terms of building up your sense of self and strengthening yourself against inevitable rejection… and this is for women.
This post raises some interesting points in saying that when it comes to dating, women need to adopt some of the tactics of the average male. I quite agree though my reasons for saying so are slightly different.
I think that men are more strategic than women when it comes to dating. Here’s why: they have spent their dating lives figuring out what methods work and how to preserve their ego from rejection. They are better at calculating risk and measuring volatility when it comes to ego preservation. What puts them at an advantage is that they have approached many women to figure out their method.
Bingo! It really is more a case of having approached many different women and realising what works on some will not work on others, most of us will have a whole catalogue of tried and tested methods. If plan A isn’t working, try plan B, then C until you either get positive attention or you decide to give up or she gets her rugby playing brother to remove you from her presence. I’m sorry if it seems cynical to women but considering the dating game is 99% of the time about us trying to win you over, I’m afraid this is just the way things are. And yes, it is a case of “categorising” women into types. Don’t go putting the hate on me because I know you do it too!
Whose Job Is It to Approach?
The more old-fashioned amongst us might say that it is the man’s role to approach the woman in any attraction situation. While this line is blurred when female might drop some subtle hints that she wants him to approach, thereby making the approach in a passive way, sometimes we are really bad at getting hints (as I was when Little Red was fishing to be asked out to dinner and ended up doing it herself).
Yet it seems that younger, modern women who claim to want equality are still expecting men to make the first approach. Ladies there is nothing to stop you just walking up to a man and engaging him in conversation. When you do, we like it. Truth is, we expect resistance (feigned or real), we expect to be challenged, we expect your friends to try to drag you away so when you walk over to us with a smile on your face and say “Hi, I’m… it’s nice to meet you!” we can’t believe our luck. Why? Because we have become so used to a low success rate when approaching the women who attract us that when you flip that around and make it clear we are of interest to you before we’ve had a chance to even notice you are there, it knocks us off our feet for a few seconds.
The fragile female ego?
Women have fragile egos, sorry girls but that is a fact. You won’t admit to farting for starters. You’re constantly looking for reassurance that we still find you desirable. You want to know constantly if this or that outfit suits you and when we tell you that you always look gorgeous no matter what you wear, you never believe us… and you rarely expect to get rejected when offering a man sex or when asking one of us for a date. For example, if you are in the mood for sex and your boyfriend/husband – for whatever reason – is not. What do you do? Do you shrug and say to yourself “ah well, I guess he’s too exhausted… maybe tomorrow night” or do you assume that he now finds you unattractive, is angry with you and will probably leave you in the morning and shack up with your best friend?
Be honest… because in my experience men think the former and because that power of getting or not getting sex is 99% in your hands, we learn to live with that rejection and categorise it: “she’s tired” or “she’s not in the mood” or “she’s had a tough day at work”?
So, it seems that women have fragile egos and could benefit with having it reinforced. Hold these thoughts for part 2 coming up.