I often wish I hadn’t deleted my previous blog 30-Something and Breaking Up, or at least had archived all of the posts into this blog. From time to time I think “how was I feeling this time last year?”, or simply to remind myself how far I have come. And there is no better comparison for this than how I felt last year and how different things are this year.
Last year, though I enjoyed seeing friends and family, but I just wanted it over and done with. It was the end of a very tough year and it was my first Christmas as a single man in a long time. I didn’t know what to do with myself. All of the things the wife and I used to do were out of the window, right down to our Christmas Eve traditions – simple as they were.
I know my mood was starting to pick up in the weeks leading up to Christmas but I spent the period feeling quite passive and wanting the season to pass right over me and be done with quickly. The only thing I really had to look forward to was the promised phone call from Miss X on Boxing Day. Brief as it was, it was good to hear her voice for the first time in a very long time.
This year is a different story. I have really enjoyed the build up to this Christmas. I have enjoyed shopping on my own, starting new traditions and visiting places I used to go with my wife either on my own or with friends old and new. Though I have no clear plans I am looking forward to a relaxing period at the end of what has been another tough year (recent successess and upturn in mood put aside for now) and I am certainly looking forward to what next year will bring.
While it is true that my aim to leave the area and return to my part of the country did not happen, I have had several small successes that have helped my improved mood and made the desire to leave less desperate or urgent. I’ve made new friends along the way, Little Red, Miss Outdoors and l’Canadien and still in touch with Songstress – I didn’t expect to hear from her but we are still chatting. My affection for Little Red as well as a new direction in another part of my life has put the intended move on hold for now – that and the realisation that every failed interview was only making me more miserable.
I hope you all have a good Christmas, I intend to enjoy mine.