I was taken aback to hear it a couple of weeks ago from Miss Outdoors (we’re going out as friends semi-regularly btw) and that is from somebody who sort of knows some of my mental health problems (as she has some too) but to hear it from two more people who do not know about my issues took me aback even more.
Both are colleagues and the last one a senior member of management with whom I have little personal interaction. This is what he said:
“You come across as very confident and competent, professionally and personally. And you’re wasted here.”
The last part I certainly agree with… well the middle bit too but I was taken aback bearing in mind his position and background which requires assertive personalities. And he told me that I come across as very confident.
I still can’t get my head around this. I still don’t feel it, I still have my doubts and I’m fully aware of my limitations. I am however taking it all in my stride and accepting setbacks as part of the learning process.
Certainly I have my drive back. Certainly there is fire in my belly again. Certainly I am seizing the day and putting myself out there in most aspects of my life. However I still have my self-doubts. I still have my low points. I still have self esteem issues that can and do stop me doing stuff that others take for granted.
So I am forced to ask again, what is confidence?
Is it having no fear (irrational or otherwise)?
Is it ‘feel the fear but do it anyway’?
Is it being indifferent to the consequences of what might go wrong?
Is it merely the perception of others when viewed through their own fears?
If so, is confidence then merely relative to the person making the observation?