Posted in Mental Health, On confidence

“You carry yourself with such confidence!”

I was taken aback to hear it a couple of weeks ago from Miss Outdoors (we’re going out as friends semi-regularly btw) and that is from somebody who sort of knows some of my mental health problems (as she has some too) but to hear it from two more people who do not know about my issues took me aback even more.

Both are colleagues and the last one a senior member of management with whom I have little personal interaction. This is what he said:

“You come across as very confident and competent, professionally and personally. And you’re wasted here.”

The last part I certainly agree with… well the middle bit too but I was taken aback bearing in mind his position and background which requires assertive personalities. And he told me that I come across as very confident.

I still can’t get my head around this. I still don’t feel it, I still have my doubts and I’m fully aware of my limitations. I am however taking it all in my stride and accepting setbacks as part of the learning process.

Certainly I have my drive back. Certainly there is fire in my belly again. Certainly I am seizing the day and putting myself out there in most aspects of my life. However I still have my self-doubts. I still have my low points. I still have self esteem issues that can and do stop me doing stuff that others take for granted.

So I am forced to ask again, what is confidence?

Is it having no fear (irrational or otherwise)?
Is it ‘feel the fear but do it anyway’?
Is it being indifferent to the consequences of what might go wrong?
Is it merely the perception of others when viewed through their own fears?
If so, is confidence then merely relative to the person making the observation?



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

4 thoughts on ““You carry yourself with such confidence!”

  1. I feel like confidence in myself has a lot to do with understanding what I’m capable of and am willing to try without fear of failure. Some decisions are made from successful completions of things in the past and others from failures and lessons learned.

    I guess what I’m saying is that it’s all about perception, ours or those of others.

    1. When we really think about it, it isn’t that easy to define, is it? Yet we all know what it is or think we know it is.

      Thanks for commenting!

    1. Yes, and I think I finally am! Identifying my strengths and realising what I’m good at has finally led me to make the decision I made last week.

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