Another subscriber of mine, bossymoksie, posted this article on “friendzoning” last week, discussing a male who she thought was her friend and after his feelings were confessed and not returned, he bolted.
I deeply sympathise with her. This man was not her friend and never was. I’ve been in that situation more times than I care to count yet each time I have gone on to have a fulfilling friendship with each of those women with, arguably, a greater level of trust.
However, there are situations where “let’s be friends” is difficult for a man (or a woman) and the “friendzoned” person might reasonably choose to break contact. In most cases friends is better than nothing but sometimes, cessation is the least harrowing option.
By the way, Ubergeek and I resumed contact a couple of days ago so this has obviously been playing on my mind. We haven’t broached the subject yet, we’ve only been over “hi, how are you” type stuff. But I’m wondering: What if she says “let’s just be friends”? I might not be able to do that even though I would be sad at the alternative prospect of never seeing her again.
We did not start from a position of friendship; we met on a dating site. We dated for a month. We flirted. There was a connection like I had never experienced before – I am deeply attracted to her and all the signs suggest that feeling was mutual (even though she went back to her ex). In this situation it is like giving a paraplegic titanium legs and then asking him to voluntarily give them up for plywood ones that would restrict his movement and tell him that his only option is to take it or leave it. He might choose to return to his wheelchair in a hope of finding titanium legs elsewhere.
I hope I have explained my position; this is not a “you’re never going to have sex with me so goodbye forever” which is the accusation so often levelled at men who are friendzoned (from another perspective, you’re right that a man is not entitled to your body but you are not entitled to his continuing friendship or attention at any point). I might find “let’s be friends” in this case too painful to continue contact purely because of the feelings that seemed to be developing so early on. I have no doubt that she was into me, the fact that she offered to break contact “if it is what you want”.
What do you think? Is it possible to remains friends before a potential relationship has fizzled out, or will sexual tension keep getting in the way?