Posted in Other

The BBW

Venus – quintessential bbw?

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Let me start by saying that where attraction is concerned, body size has little relevance for me. I am just as likely to be attracted to somebody overweight as underweight. Two of my dates so far have been slightly on the large side. I’m far more attracted to striking features than conventional ideals of beauty but I’d never not date somebody who wasn’t my type physically if they were the type of personality that attracted me.

Now that is out of the way, let me say that I am uncomfortable with the concept of the ‘BBW and proud of it’. A lot of the profiles on POF I have seen usually start with ‘Yes I am fat. Why can’t you men see what’s inside instead of noticing how big I am?’ and the profile often ends with ‘I’m only interested in skinny men’. The BBW is doing exactly what she rails against – excluding potential mates on body size. It also promotes the idea not just that ‘big is beautiful’ but that ‘only big is beautiful’.

I’m uncomfortable with it because it rails against the shallowness of society while attempting to impose its own shallowness, its own ideals of physical beauty. Fighting fire with fire; two wrongs do not make a right.

As for BBW dating events, I am just as uncomfortable with that as I am with so-called “pro ana” websites – promoting and encouraging a lifestyle that is, actually, dangerous to our health. The concept with the BBW movement is ‘the bigger the sexier!’ which is exactly the same message being promoted by the ‘pro ana’ movement – the skinnier the better… skinny is better than healthy.

Re-defining the word “real”.

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I am also deeply uncomfortable with the idea of taking the moral high ground because you have shunned society’s norms. The ‘proud BBW’ does that every time she calls any woman smaller than her a ‘skinny bitch’ or smirks that she eats nothing but lettuce or assumes she is a victim of fashion magazines or is anorexic because she is within medically healthy boundaries. If you are going to demand that people ignore your exterior appearance and look at the inner you then please extend that courtesy to others.

On a final note, when you are disparaging of others because of what they look like you are anything but beautiful. Conceitedness, hypocrisy and bitterness are not attractive either.

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

4 thoughts on “The BBW

  1. Such a great post!
    If they weren’t bothered by their weight and what others thought, they wouldn’t need to be part of a ‘movement’ (just to make yourself feel better about it, which is what it really is).
    I think women’s views of their bodies are really messed up because of fashion magazines and being compared to photoshopped models. Men don’t care about that as much as women think they do. But when you think that’s the standard and you can’t live up to it, you get pretty ornary and defensive!

    1. I think you’re right; a movement is exactly what it is and it fools nobody when it pretends to be otherwise.

      And it is true that women are far more sensitive about their bodies than men care about. How many times I’ve heard my male friends/family members say to their partners “what do you mean ‘fat’? You’re not fat, you’re gorgeous!’

  2. As someone on the heavier side who always wonder why I have to take sides when I’m discussing this with other women who claim to be body positive. This is exactly my point!! This is what I try to get trough to them but they usually get pretty heated when I do so. Claiming that I’m not being a sister and that I am actually mentally oppressed too. *eye rolls*! This is four years old but more relevant than ever! Good post

    1. Yeah, and don’t you find their body positivity stops when it comes to dating balding men, short men and overweight men?

      I can understand why they feel it’s necessary, but let’s not be hypocrites about it. Thanks for your comment, Josefine!

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