Posted in Dating / Relationships

Not Quite “May to December”

I had my first date in two months this morning. A simple coffee affair and the usual chat. This girl (I’m going to call her Grungegirl as her fashion style is slightly like that) approached me on one of the dating sites. Her message was thoughtful and addressed my profile. So far so good.

The age range I’m looking for is 30-40. I am 37 years old and so far I hadn’t dated anyone out of that range. The youngest was Ubergeek at 31; the eldest Little Red at 38 (she’s now 39). The remainder were scattered around the middle.

This girl is 23. She pointed out that though she was out of my age range, she would like to chat. I was hesitant but relented. After all, my experience is that women are not great at making first approach so any that does deserves a response out of courtesy. And I always said I’d reply to anyone who sent me an intelligent and coherent message and this girl certainly did just that.

We’ve chatted for a week and had lots to talk about. I became more at ease the more we talked. Ahead of our date I was still hesitant and cautious because of the age gap. Images of being stalked by a bunny boiler and declarations of undying love were at the back of my mind, as was the idea that she is after a father/ big brother figure (part of the problem in my marriage was this needy aspect of my ex wife) but our lengthy conversation by text revealed her to be intelligent and thoughtful. My other concern is that she’s after a sugar daddy (but I’m poor!) The only way I was going to know was by meeting her; so I asked her out for coffee.

So how did we get on and how do I feel now about the situation now we’ve met?

I enjoyed her company, found her very straight-laced and interesting but I don’t think there’s anything there. She didn’t give the impression of attraction and I didn’t fancy her. I see a friendship but nothing more and that’s the vibes I get from her too. The age gap is not even a factor in this opinion.

How do people feel about age gaps in general? Does the old cliche ‘half your age plus seven years’ apply or is age but a number?



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

8 thoughts on “Not Quite “May to December”

  1. Age is but a number (as long as they’re over the age of consent!!). I think after looks are taken into consideration (and the emphasis on this varies) a lot of it depends on how similar your personalities are/whether you can get on rather than anything else. Interesting programme recently “The Year of Making Love” on the BBC, some of which involved age gaps and it didn’t seem to make much difference on the whole, but where they both were on the maturity scale certainly did!

    1. That is normally my view but I feel uncomfortable dating somebody 14 years my junior at the moment (even though she is clearly over the age of consent), though ask me in ten years time when I’m in my late forties and she’s in her early thirtiest and my view might be different!

      We’ll see how it goes. She’s suggested that she might like to meet up again but I’ve not yet given a firm answer or made any suggestions about it.

  2. In theory there is nothing wrong with an age gap relationship… but in practise the reality is very different. Take for example the fact that you do not want childen. At 23, a girl could agree with you on this and state, very clearly, that she does not want children either. But what happens 7 years later when her biological clock is ticking and she, quite reasonably, changes her mind? Basically what I’m saying is that, while you have reached an age where you are happy and comfortable with the choices you’ve made, someone younger has not necessarily had the time and experience to decide what they want out of life.
    This issue is obviously avoided if the age gap goes the other way. How would you feel about dating someone in their mid to late forties?

    1. I completely agree for all the reasons you’ve stated, particularly the children thing. 7 years from now she will be 30 and I will be 44/45 and if I haven’t changed by mind about children by then in my mind it will be too late (I am still open to changing my mind if a girl comes along who completely blows my mind).

      I have no problem with dating older women and I have approached a couple. In my experience though, those with an interest in younger men tend to want them younger than me. Typical! 🙂

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