Posted in Dating / Relationships

The Sound of Silence

Despite that there seemed to be some promise, as with l’Canadien, my date from last weekend (chatterbox) has not responded to my request for a second date. This is despite that I have spotted her online a couple of times. As per going through the motions, I have removed her from my favourites list and deleted our conversation thread.

A shame, and as rude as I think it is not to respond to somebody you have met and got on with, that’s her prerogative and I’m not going to chase. I’m staying away from the dating sites now until I am back home and feeling settled. I will probably be away for about a month (I’ll make an exception for others I have previously dated as it’s not so much hard work).

How do people generally feel about responding to somebody you have already met? I can understand just not responding to a new contact but I feel if you have met somebody, and whether you got on or not, though not obliged it is courteous to say “thanks, I liked you and enjoyed your company but I don’t think there was anything there.” Because what we often have is people being dishonest about wanting to meet again and then going silent when the request is made. Granted, neither chatterbox nor water baby said they wanted a second date during the course of the first, but l’Canadien was incredibly enthusiastic about meeting up yet ignored the two messages I sent her later (one wishing her a Merry Christmas and the other to ask if she was back in the country yet about three weeks later).

I accept that these people are still virtual strangers and I do not feel they owe me anything yet out of decency I would always respond if I was approached for a second date and didn’t want one.

Is courtesy over-rated these days? Or are they simply worried about being abused?



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

8 thoughts on “The Sound of Silence

  1. In my experience, silence is the best way. When I’ve told people the gentle truth (ie “I don’t think we’re a match”) they have gotten offended/angry/wanted to know why/etc., instead of saying something like “thank you for being honest” – mind you, SOME do that, but the majority react poorly/childish.
    The unspoken let down, can’t be argued with.

    1. That’s a shame and I guessed that’s what it was. I’ve always reacted courteously, even with the email rejections I’ve responded “thank you and good luck”.

      1. See, you’re one of the good ones.
        But if these girls have had experiences like mine, a 3-page email written in anger is usually the response 😦

        1. Aside from being nasty in trying to make the other person feel shitty, 3 pages is a tremendous waste of time and energy! I just don’t see the point. Just move on to the next one and hope for better luck next time.

        2. But then I get to worrying whether my ‘thanks, good luck’ message was deleted unread on the assumption that it would contain abuse, lol

  2. It seems so rude, reading it from your persepective, but daterofboys has a point. I wouldn’t take it personally, that’s less time you have to waste on some stranger who is nothing and will continue to be nothing to you, even if it a a polite ‘good luck’ message. And that’s more time you get to spend on transforming your life!

    1. I haven’t taken it personally, in fact I have given her no more thought since writing this post so I guess I wasn’t all that into her anyway. Thats her choice of course not to respond and I decided I would only ever ask once.

      The only exception was Miss Outdoors. I don’t know why I felt the need to message her a second time but I’m glad I did. She ‘friendzoned’ me but I was totally fine with it and I now consider her a good friend. We’ve met up several times and she now has a boyfriend – I’ve met him and we get on well. Something good came of that in the end!

      On to the next one then…

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