Ubergeek has told me that she is looking at moving in with the ex boyfriend she got back together with a few months ago. Feeling slightly disappointed of course but not unexpected. They live apart and this move will make or break their relationship.
I wished her luck but commented no more on my feelings for her – I had said it all before and it didn’t need repeating. It went something along the lines of: I felt we had a connection, I’m disappointed you’re back together because I really like you but I wish you the best of luck. I guess I have now categorised her firmly as “the one that got away” and have experienced all the frustrations that go with it – and that is the only way I can deal with it right now.
I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t thought about her, about us. But you know I have been out with others in this time. She has been at the back of my mind, not the front of it. Now I have to firmly put her out of my mind. I will not contact her in future but fully intend to respond to any communication from her. If at any point she thinks she has made a huge mistake and wants to give us a shot, my door is open (assuming I am single if/when that time comes). I just will not chase a girl who has a boyfriend.
If I’m honest the feelings of “the one that got away” is a whole new ball game for me. I have become used to “the friendzone” but knowing that somebody felt something for you and saw you as a potential partner and perhaps might even see you as a future partner if it all goes wrong… It is a frustration especially when that person is keeping your presence a secret by saying they will not add you on facebook and only seems to text you at times when you have figured out is ‘safe’ (such as at work). I’m not playing that game of being kept in reserve again, thank you Miss X for teaching me a valuable lesson.
So what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing where she is concerned but where I am concerned:
* Do not beat myself up in assuming I did something wrong or that I could have done something else
* Keep my distance
* Be here for her if she wants to talk and be honest with her if she asks awkward questions about how I feel
* Try not to think about her or wonder “what if…?”
* Simply – date other women and hope to get the butterflies feeling again at some point in the future
So what can I take from this experience?
* I felt a connection with her like I had never felt before – and it was wonderful
* That connection is possible/likely with others
* I am far more attracted to quirky women than I previously thought
* I do not want to be anybody’s reserve. If you have unresolved issues with an ex, fine. Just go away and sort them out. Maybe we’ll talk later
* Nothing is easy when it comes to dating
I might possibly have a date this weekend (I have changed my relationship status to “divorced” because next week it is all finished) with a girl I have been talking to the last few days. At the moment neither of us are sure if we are available but we have agreed in principle to meet up. I will keep you posted on both.