Posted in Dating / Relationships

The Slow Mover vs The Quick Mover

Yesterday I had a pleasant yet largely uneventful second date with Bookworm. We went for lunch at a local pub and enjoyed the weather in the beer garden. What struck me most was how different the two women I’ve met recently have been.

We got to talking about online dating experiences and she mentioned that one guy she had been dating was trying to move things along too fast. He was texting her every day, kept wanting to know what she was up to and tried to kiss her on the second date. She said she always wants to take things slow, build up and get to know each other. We had little physical contact and so none of the flirting, the “accidental” brushing of hands etc that seem to take place as you start to figure out each other’s physical boundaries that early on.

What struck me was how much more reserved she was than Mischief who made it quite clear that she wasn’t happy that there was no spark… this was despite that we were flirting with each other. Had I had the same familiarity with Bookworm, she would no doubt have thought I was moving too quickly yet Mischief seemed to imply we weren’t moving quickly enough.

No wonder we get confused with each other so easily.

Generally, I am a slow mover. There’s too much of an old-fashioned gentleman in me to try anything so early anyway. Yet, if appropriate, I know I am capable of making my intentions clear if the situation called for it (for example, the flirting that took place between ubergeek and I and being far more comfortable with it than with anybody else). Dating can be nerve-wracking as we try to figure out the other person’s boundaries, what we are personally comfortable with and try to figure out the weight of expectation that exists between you at each stage of the ritual. I felt equally comfortable in the company of both Mischief and Bookworm and adapted behaviour accordingly yet both clearly have very different ideas about how things ought to have been proceeding after one or two dates.

It is easy to get impatient but to use an analogy, before you build that skyscraper you have to make sure the foundations are strong enough.

EDIT: Okay, so no third date here either. However, she has said she sees potentially a good friendship developing here and I agree. We’ve traded phone numbers, added each other on facebook and plan to meet up again in the near future on the understanding that it is as friends. I am happy with this and can move on to the next one



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

2 thoughts on “The Slow Mover vs The Quick Mover

  1. Yeah, everyone is different. But it will work out with a girl who’s right for YOU. Interesting concept though. Sometimes I want to move quick and be more affectionate earlier, and sometimes I want to wait until much later. Depends on where I’m at I guess.

    1. I agree, you adapt your flirting and pace to the person. I’ve had instant chemistry with some but others we’ve really wanted to take our time.

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