Posted in Dating / Relationships

Carrying a Flame

I admit it. I confess. I’m a hopeless romantic and I won’t apologise for it. I still think about her six months after I last saw her and I am most definitely still carrying a flame for ubergeek. I have tried to forget about her but the more I try to forget the more she pops right back into my head. It doesn’t help that two of my friends are currently dating women who have the same first name as her. It doesn’t help that of my dates of the last couple of months, two of them had the same profession. Frustrating, isn’t it?

I tend to think about her most when I’m low (not always, it is just more common on those occasions). That is probably because dating her, even for that brief period, was a beacon of happiness in several difficult years.

We’ve kept in touch just as we promised we would and we’ve been texting each other this week. She always seems pleased to hear from me and I am certainly always pleased to hear from her. I am happy with this state of affairs for now – knowing that we have that semi-regular contact and hoping that we see each other again some day. Whether we will ever get an opportunity to explore the potential between us I know could go either way. I would like that opportunity but I am not clinging to it.

Yes I am carrying a flame for this girl but I am not obsessed – as you know I am dating other women and I would certainly not turn away a potential suitor in hanging on to that flame. After my second date with Mischief, I was fully invested in hoping for something more with her and was starting to feel a real connection when she pulled the plug.

Carrying a flame is something that we all do whether we admit it or not and youth is no barrier to hankering for something or someone we want. A friend of the family recently confessed to carrying a flame for one of my uncles for the best part of 25 years – they both married somebody else and it is just a harmless long-term crush. In all likelihood they will never get together but she freely confessed to still getting that butterflies feeling whenever he is around.

At the moment it feels nice and pretty harmless and hopefully until I see her again it will stay that way. And I’m sure that if the day comes that we do meet up again, regardless of the context of our meeting, that I will announce it on this blog! Could I, in the long run, accept “lets be friends”? I said no before but at this stage I really do not know. I guess I’ll find out if/when that day comes.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

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