Some of you may remember this post from one year ago. I can’t believe how much has changed in this time and I can’t believe it is already a year since the last one. I’ve just read through the letter I wrote to myself. Again, I will not post it here because there is too much personal information in it but I will address the main points in my reply.
It was the week that my emotional rollercoaster began and it was the week that things came to a head with Miss X. Still, it does not seem a year ago. Here is my response. After this I will write another letter, stored on my hard drive, ready for next year.
Hello 2012, it’s 2013 here,
Wow. What a year it has been. So many changes but I feel we/you are on the right path at the moment despite being wracked with the occasional bout of self-doubt. But let’s take this one step at a time…
I know for obvious reasons that Miss X is on your mind a lot at the moment. I know you feel that though she gave you a straight answer when you were forced to play your hand – you also feel that since then she has given you some very mixed messages with regard to Mister Unsuitable and what is developing between them. I’m sorry to say that over the coming weeks she is going to handle the situation very badly for you and when you need to talk to her the most she will turn her back on you. And as she usually does, she will only think of herself. Yes, I’ve re-evaluated my view of her since then and now I wonder if I can be bothered with her at all, but let’s not talk about her. Let’s talk about what this next year has in store for you.
I know at the moment you think that nobody will ever want to go on a date with you. You feel fat, ugly, boring and weird. But guess what? All that is about to change because in about six weeks time you will sign up for some dating sites and within a matter of days, yes days you will get your first date with a gorgeous, funny, intelligent… ah no. I’ll let you find out for yourself. Let’s just say that this girl will be the best first person for you to go on a date with. And she won’t be the only one. By July 2013 you will have been on lots of dates, made some good friends and found out a lot about yourself. No special someone though, not at the moment though there are a couple with whom you hope something might happen in future.
I’m also conscious of the fact that as low as you might feel right now as you are crashing, you wrote this post just yesterday, it is nothing compared to what is in store for you in September. I won’t lie; it is going to be a horrendous month and you will come within a hair’s breadth of doing something unimaginable and afterward you will go back on antidepressants. Don’t resist it, you’ll need it. I heard a wonderful quote the other day: in order to rise from its own ashes a phoenix must first burn. You will burn but you will rise.
Now for the good news. You are divorced. You are no longer living in that house. You are no longer living in that area. In January you will make a very big decision and it will be related to a few other things dropping into place during that month. It will be a very brave step for you and will show others how far you have come. But I’m under no illusions that I don’t have further to go.
You will keep up the running and a few months from now you will enter your first charity race. Remember when you were last a 32″ waist? 15-16 years old? As of July 2013 you are again 🙂
If I can sum up the next 12 months for you in one word it is: change.
See you on the other side.