… and then there was two. The filtering is now at an end and though I am not going through Dating Fatigue I am comfortable with now only having Indiechick and Mirror Image to quibble over. For various reasons, progress with both girls will be slow and cautious – I have explained why but let me just re-cap.
- Mirror Image lives over 200 miles away, has little relationship experience and is slowly warming to our upcoming meeting as a date. She has a shell that requires a slow and careful breakdown
- Indiechick is twice divorced and not wanting to rush into anything. She takes her time to respond, to arrange anything but is insistent she wants to keep seeing each other. There is a shell there too, a different kind of shell, but a shell nonetheless
My previous two dates have been filtered out due to misrepresentation, one deliberate and the other was seemingly unintentional. I am going to speak in general terms about misrepresentation but give examples in each case.
Naturally, dating sites tell you to put your best foot forward. They tell you to show yourself having fun, smiling and doing stuff out and about. This is pretty reasonable advice, after all you want to push a positive image about yourself to snare your match. Everybody looks better smiling (unless you have a mouthful of teeth and bad gums) but what if you’re not naturally like that?
This is what happened to me with The Sergeant. All of my female friends who looked at her profile (because they now see it as mandatory to screen them for me) said she looked “a lot of fun” and she did! Her pics made her look a happy go lucky girl and she had one of the sweetest butter-wouldn’t-melt smiles I’d seen in a long time.
Yet when I met her her face was like stone. It wasn’t nerves, clearly. She was a serious person and though she did have a sweet smile, I saw it just twice in the three hours we were together. She had a military air about her where everything was taken seriously, even when discussing favourite films and books she frowned more than she smiled. Disappointed as she wasn’t the person I thought she was. Forgiveable?
This is clear cut. You tell your date you are divorced but eventually drop in that you are separated and haven’t even filed for divorce. You’re dating a childless man who doesn’t want children and you neglect to tell him you have three kids. It’s being 10 years older than you claim to be; it’s being 30lb heavier. It’s saying you love travel but haven’t left your home town for 15 years.
The girl I met this week – Miss Manic – neglected to tell me something major. She had a disability. This wasn’t a problem in itself, she seemed cool and I would have met her had she been upfront about it. However, when she neglected to tell me about it, she lost any chance to a second date. I am upfront. I was clear in my profile that I was separated, I leave no ambiguity that I do not want children. None of my photos are more than a year old and I try to put up a new one every month. I believe in being straight with people and it is a shame that others do not.
If you feel the lie is so big that it is unforgivable, you have the right to walk away. Of course, you might not want to make a scene in public – and the last thing you want to do is start an argument in the middle of a coffee shop with somebody you’ve just met. I was polite but when we finished the last of our drinks I made my excuses, wished her the best and left her outside the coffee shop. Though I was not rude, I made it clear that I wasn’t happy with a half-hearted “It was nice to meet you”.
All I can really say is go with your gut about how you should react when confronted with a deliberate misrepresentation like this.