Posted in Dating / Relationships

“Why Don’t You Come Back to My Place?”

This is the first time in my dating life that this has ever happened to me. You’ve seen it all on television – he goes back to her place, they drink coffee and magically fall in love. Pfft, I wasn’t having any of that but I was certainly intrigued what an “at my place” date might really be like. Date three with Indiechick that I thought might never happen took place this weekend. We went for lunch, coffee, cake and after I walked up to the bank with her she invited me back to see her new pad.

So we went back to her place, I had a tour of this tiny flat, we sat down, had another coffee, talked and… watched a film. And that was all that happened. Now, at this point I guess most guys were hoping to be asked to stay the night but the thought never crossed my mind. If anything is going to happen between us, and as time goes with a distinct lack of flirting from her and a complete ambivalence to my efforts in that department, then Indiechick is the slowest mover on the planet. She seems to have little interest in me as a potential partner.

While there she opened up about the breakdown of her second marriage. I really felt for her, she went through some deeply unpleasant psychological abuse so it is no wonder that she is standoffish. I also admire her deeply for coming out of it the other side and generally coming across as quite a positive and bouncy person.

The main issue for me is the complete lack of movement and the long time since we last met (three months – I asked several times and she kept saying she was too busy) means that I feel this is on a one way speed train to the friend-zone. This weekend I feel she wanted companionship after a bad Christmas of feeling low and being ill. I am happy to go along with the flow but partly because I am feeling into Mirror Image and partly frustration at the flakiness and ambivalence, I feel I have lost interest in her as a potential romantic partner.

Time will tell I guess.

On Mirror Image though, there was a slight hint of jealousy and a cautious enquiry as to how it went. In my previous post I mentioned her offer to “move aside graciously” if anything happened between us. I felt I wanted to be honest with her about meeting Indiechick because she had been honest about Jealous Guy wanting to meet her again before the spring. Every day she inches that little bit closer, now she has said she would be more than willing to move away from where she is living for a relationship. She mentioned a few towns and cities very close to me where she might like to live in future – the importance of this did not go unnoticed by me.

Inch by inch…



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

2 thoughts on ““Why Don’t You Come Back to My Place?”

  1. That shows trust! Or interest! Or both. But if you’re already put off then that’s that. You’re right, you can’t be sure what you’re gonna get with her since she disappears. She probably needs to focus on herself anyway at this point.

    1. I think trust, personally. While in her flat I got the distinct impression she just wanted some company. She kept talking about all of the friends she’d contacted recently to arrange a meet up with.

      But either way it doesn’t matter as I have definitely lost interest now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s