Posted in Other

You Messaged Me the Other Week

Dear you who messaged me on a dating site the other week,

I know who you are, I remember your full name. I know that you are a year younger than I am. I remember having a crush on you when I was 15 and you were 14. We didn’t go to the same school but we had a mutual friend. We worked close by and that’s how I knew the mutual friend knew you, she worked where you worked. She acted as our “middle man” and finally gave me your phone number – god I was so nervous that day!

Do you remember me? We talked on the phone and then arranged to meet the following day. You turned nasty when you saw me – you told me I was too ugly for you. You said that you had other options and wouldn’t be interested in me in a million years. That hurt, of course it did and I think you took some perverse pleasure in having power over the boys who chased you. Yes I was overweight but I wasn’t enormous. Incidentally I am slimmer now than I was then. How many men in their late 30s can say that?

But now, here you are over 20 years later, messaging me on a a dating site. I recognised you instantly – which is surprising because it is clear that the years have not been kind to you. I doubt you recognised me, after all some 23 years have passed since that day. You are a year younger than I am but from your photos I would say you don’t look a day under 45. I could barely decipher your profile – such was its poor English. I’m not quite sure what compelled you to message me as we have nothing in common, not our education level, no mutual interests or anything else for that matter… well I can’t really say what you thought you might be able to offer me.

I am chuckling at the irony here because you cannot have possibly recognised me when you messaged me, otherwise you might have mentioned it or at least tried the cliché “we know each other, don’t we?” No, the best you could muster was “hi”.

I guess when you are a 15 year old boy with hormones raging, you are drawn to the prettiest girls – it’s natural. Only through time do we realise that looks fade and that actually, there are other things far more important than what somebody looks like. You never imagine that somebody… anybody is going to turn nasty just because the wrong person confessed to having a crush on them. I guess I must be attractive to you now – in some way, some how because you messaged me on a dating site and put in so much effort *snort* in saying “hi”.

Sorry, you are not what I am looking for – I see no desire in you to travel, I see no education, I see no hobbies, I see no real life experiences. I fail to see any common ground and I really do have options right now. I’m sorry you have had to resort to contacting guys you once dismissed as “too ugly”. I guess that’s karma at work.




I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

5 thoughts on “You Messaged Me the Other Week

  1. Wow that really happened? I’ve been known to be creative with my rejections but I usually save the biting mean stuff for jerks. And even then they would have to really piss me off.
    Did you respond to her or ignore her?

    1. Yes it really happened when I was 15. I arranged to meet the girl one Saturday – I was slightly late due to buses but when we finally met that’s when she told me I was too ugly for her. She hadn’t seen a picture of me but our mutual friend told her that I walked past the shop every day in the course of the job I was doing (newspaper delivery).

      I ignored the message. I usually do when somebody just says “hi” anyway. If I were to respond, the above letter is what I would have sent.

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