Posted in On confidence

The Quest for Confidence – Part 8

I really need to keep on top of The Confidence Gap book. I haven’t picked it up in several months (again). Mostly I don’t feel I need it right now, I am on a bit of a high except for the odd relapse, the odd day here and there. That’s no reason that I shouldn’t still be working through the book. Every so often I feel my head filling with noise and sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself sinking. It’s not a problem though but to make sure that it doesn’t, I’m picking up the book again. An interesting exercise to kick us off:

Imagine I have invented a machine that lets you read the mind of a person important to you in the realm of love.

Naturally, I thought about Mirror Image

I pull the lever and they just happen to be thinking about you, about your character, about what personal strengths and qualities you have, and what you mean to them… They are not thinking about the goals you have achieved. What would you love to hear this person thinking?

  • He makes me laugh
  • Kind
  • Interesting
  • Attentive
  • Patient
  • Caring
  • We have a lot in common
  • I hope he kisses me when we meet in a few weeks (hey I can hope!)

Some of the above she has already said to me so it didn’t take much imagination. The rest, I guess I was able to work out based on how we interact.

I skipped the one on work because in my working environment I work remotely and have no in-person interaction at the moment. That might change due to the nature of my work, but it is possible that it never will. The third part is play and I suppose I would choose my closest male friend.

  • He’s so mentally strong considering everything he has been through
  • He deserves a decent girlfriend
  • We both support the same football team and we both like good beer. What’s not to like?
  • I wish I knew what went through his head sometimes

The final part of the exercise is you can hear what your own body is thinking. What does it say?

  • I know I protested at the beginning but on reflection I quite like running
  • We seem to be shifting that Christmas weight
  • I miss sex
  • Treat me to a bag of haribo next week, please?

This is a surprisingly simple and effective exercise for being kind(er) to yourself. For the next exercise, I need to go back and look at some older ones and collate it with this information above. That will be the the subject of another post – hopefully some time in the next week.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

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