Posted in Dating / Relationships

I Think We Can Consider That a Succesful Date – But I Have a Question for Readers

It was good from the moment I got there and it set the tone for a two-day date that only got better. Upon meeting I gave her a rose, we simultaneously leaned in for a kiss – her to my lips and me to her cheek. What we ended up with in the fumble was a mutual kiss to the corner of each other’s mouths – but I took that as “permission” for a proper first kiss, which came later that evening after the meal and I practically floated back to the hotel.

Yesterday, we started with a nice long walk in some unexpected good weather. We stopped a few times to sit and talk, take photos, flirt, hold hands, snuggle and kiss some more. We went for lunch and then back to her place for an afternoon of film-watching and takeaway consumption. We got through two films and then had a talk about “the situation”. She said that she still isn’t sure how she feels despite her obvious comfort in how tactile we were being. She likes me, finds me attractive as a person, doesn’t want to give mixed messages and hopes that whatever happens we can keep in touch. I took the cue to suggest taking things slowly, to consider ourselves dating rather than in a relationship and to give it a bit more time. She agreed and we settled in for some innocent kissing and cuddling.

An hour later we were wrapped up in each others arms, naked and panting from the intense orgasms we had just experienced. We didn’t have sex – though that wasn’t for the lack of trying. Nerves on my part led to service failure “down below”. I shall spare you the details but I will say that we improvised quite well and things were very comfortable afterwards exploring each other’s bodies (“that’s an interesting mole”, “how did you get that scar?”, “I don’t like my boobs”, ‘Well I like your boobs!” etc) I did not return to the hotel that night.

We parted today and though we cuddled for a bit after the alarm went off, she seemed a little standoffish later after we got up (She was only a little affectionate as I waited for my departing train. I told her I would miss her and she just muttered “thank you”), though that is probably me over-analysing the fact that neither of us slept properly (no not because of that!) Aside from hugging, she isn’t particularly great with expressing her emotions – which could also mean that she was sad to see me go but couldn’t bring herself to say so.

I found out a few days before our meeting that she was not a virgin – she had indeed slept with her one and only previous boyfriend – something that came as a relief considering my concerns, based on previous experience, about taking things too slowly.

She doesn’t do casual sex yet doesn’t want to consider us in a relationship but doesn’t want either of us to see anybody else. So here I am, slightly not knowing what to make of it all (and I feel a little confused). Maybe it is just me, I don’t consider myself old-fashioned but I can’t ever see myself in bed with somebody I wasn’t crazy about and it certainly seems she is reluctant to call it a “boyfriend girlfriend” situation when to all intents and purposes it is – we have been naked, very intimate and dating exclusively. Is it just me? Or does this sound odd to anybody else that she doesn’t consider this a relationship? Thoughts from women in particular will be appreciated.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

6 thoughts on “I Think We Can Consider That a Succesful Date – But I Have a Question for Readers

    1. You know how they say getting intimate too early complicates things? Yeah… that. Post coming up soon.

  1. Okay. I read your conversation post before posting. This IS confusing. It’s not in your head. So she got intimate with you because it’s been awhile? (Which I get, sometimes we do that). But I don’t like that she lied about being a virgin. What is that about?
    And so she is waiting for a ‘spark’ with you before she can be sure? What does that mean, butterflies? This is what is holding her back? Because otherwise she seems into you.
    I would just be careful with your heart, continue being clear about your intentions and enjoy her company, but tread carefully.

    1. Mutual sexual frustration is how we have both chosen to brush off the night we spent together – in my mind it meant something more and because of how willing to be physical (I mean the non-sexual physical) she was throughout the day I’m surprised that is how she chooses to see it. It wasn’t me doing all the kissing, hugging and hand-holding. It was just as much her. If I have been used for sex then that’s a first!

      She never claimed to be a virgin, I was guessing that she might have been – but I was wrong. We never talked about it until a couple of nights before we met last week when discussing our poor relationship history. She just came out with it: “I didn’t lose my virginity until last year”.

      Yes, she’s waiting for a ‘spark’. In her mind it is the only thing missing. I have explained that I feel it is a rare thing – you will recall the only person I felt that spark/butterflies feeling with was ubergeek. I’m under no doubt that she’s into me because all the signs are there despite her words… and look how jealous she got about Indiechick and last week she asked me again about her again. We talked a little about Indiechick, she wanted to know if I had heard from her / seen her. I haven’t and I explained how I simply lost interest because I got fed up with having no feedback, no confirmation of interest and a lack of reaction when I flirted with her. I hope at the back of her mind (Mirror Image that is) she realises that could happen with her too.

      Thanks for the advice, I will do my best to tread carefully – but can’t promise anything 😉 I don’t fall in love easily, but when I do it’s allllll the way down. I have made my feelings very clear and I think it is time the ball stayed in her court a little longer.

      1. RE: virgin
        Okay. Explained.
        I think she is into you as well. But she is still holding back. All you can do is leave it in her court and let her sort it out, like you said. Most people fall hard, which is why I am saying be careful until you get the full green light from her.

        1. Thanks, I will do my best. At least she won’t get back with her ex like two of the others did – that’s something at least, lol

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