Posted in Dating / Relationships

Time We Had a Chat…

I knew I wasn’t being paranoid, I could tell that there was something playing on her mind. Though the night we spent together went well considering the nervousness and the less than ideal situation, and that we improvised well, and also that fact that we were very comfortable with each other afterwards and spent a lot of time kissing and cuddling that night and when we woke up the following morning *pause for breath* her slight aloofness during my departure has been playing on my mind. A few nights ago we scheduled a Skype chat and eventually the subject got around to our night of passion.

Paraphrasing and truncating the conversation:

“Tell me honestly, do you regret us getting intimate?”
“No, not regret. You were the perfect gentleman and didn’t pressure me. I’ve had nothing physical for months, we get on well and you’re offering me sex so I let you carry on. It’s rare for me to want to get intimate with someone at all though.”
“I was surprised how eager you were. I only expected a bit of kissing and cuddling and hoped for a little bit of mutual groping at best 😉 In my mind, here is someone I really fancy and we’ve been flirting and kissing all day and you’ve done your fair share of initiating that. One moment we’re having a snuggle and the next we’re completely naked and wondering how that happened.”
“Haha, well I surprised myself. I just wish we’d waited until I was sure how I felt.”

So there we have it: that we-got-intimate-too-early awkwardness with a little bit of delayed reaction. But we’ve had a really good chat and we’ve decided to carry on as things are – we are to continue focussing on each other but I don’t expect impromptu intimacy the next time we meet (expected about a month from now all going well) – though I’m sure she realises that I only have so much patience.

The conversation went on to “I hope we can be friends if it doesn’t work out”. The truth is, and I told her this, that I might struggle with that. We’ve started with dating, I really f*cking fancy her, and now that we’ve explored some clear and obvious sexual tension to ultimately stick that with a “friendship” label would hurt. I might find it too difficult to remain in contact with her at all and I was blunt about that. If such a scenario comes to pass then she must realise that the daily contact will stop and I will be looking to date others as soon as possible, after such time she will slip quietly from my mind.

So why would it end up as friends? She is saying that despite liking me, and feeling comfortable around me, I make her laugh, that I am kind, attentive and understanding, that she finds me attractive (but doesn’t know if she fancies me)… she doesn’t feel that spark and she really wants to.

Sometimes I hate that I like complicated women :-/ Regular updates as they come in, but I think we’ve chalked that up to scratching an itch – the itch being mutual sexual frustration. We needed to have that conversation though.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

2 thoughts on “Time We Had a Chat…

  1. so hard. maybe just relax and not have anymore ‘conversations’ about it! try to just start letting things flow naturally

    1. Yes, that’s what we’ve decided to do – just go with the flow and see where it takes us. No point putting undue pressure on ourselves.

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