Posted in Dating / Relationships, Separation / Divorce

The Peculiar Relationship with My Ex Wife

I don’t expect anybody to understand. Hell, I don’t understand it myself sometimes but now it is easy to forget that I spent 12 years with this person, used to live with this person, lost my virginity to her, married her and then divorced her as a result of her cheating. She phoned me a few days ago to tell me how frustrated she was with online dating and to find out how my date went with Mirror Image. Our conversation went something like this:

“I hope you kissed her?”
“Yes, more than once and a bit more than that.”
“Woohoo! About time you got a snog from one of your dates. But hang on, what do you mean by more?”
“Not sure I should really be telling my ex wife!”
“You started it but you don’t have to tell me. More than a kiss?”
“Ummm yes. We ended up in bed.”
“OMG you had sex on a second date? I am impressed.”
“No we didn’t. Nerves and pressure got the better of both of us – it wasn’t ideal. Basically, we were having a snuggle when I started kissing her neck. We both got carried away.Next thing I know we’re under the covers, naked and she’s reaching for a condom. We improvised though and both satisfied with the outcome. Surprised us both, really.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No. That’s all you’re getting out of me.”
“Ok. But I am impressed with you!”
“Thanks. Doesn’t it feel weird talking about this?”
“Would it bother you?”
“No. It’s up to you what you get up to. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear about ‘Him’ but that’s different. You could be sleeping with 20 different men at the moment for all I care.”

And in her words I am proving to be “quite the smoothy” – which I don’t think I am! Yes it is like that now and it feels good that despite everything, we’ve come so far down this path. It would be so easy to get angry and bitter but I take comfort in now having a supportive friend who thinks it’s awesome I’ve met someone I connect with.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

5 thoughts on “The Peculiar Relationship with My Ex Wife

  1. Why are you still talking to her? Do you have kids together? I suspect that she is keeping you in her orbit to feed her attention and your story about getting some nookie on a second date upped your alpha in her eyes. Her call to you was a shit test. She wanted you to be her emotional tampon because that is the role you always played. Then when she lost all attraction to you she fucks an alpha bad boy. I would guess that she may have had several affairs. Women are rarely truthful to men so we never know for sure. Your still playing the beta part and she is still riding the carousel having fun.

    Just by briefly reading some of your works it appears to me that you were not really the woman slayer, and you admitted to being a virgin when you met her. Was she a virgin? Anyways, there are reasons for why people do what they do. There are reasons why my wife left me for some really lame reasons. There are reasons she still has not had sex with another man and why I have fun. Learning these reason and the underlying biology and psychology behind these behavior patters and changing what has proven to be most ineffective will help you on your quest for a much more happier life.

    You moving, but it may not be forward.

    1. Thanks for the pseudopsychology, but I’ve seen it all before and you’re wasting your breath. It was bullshit then and it’s still bullshit now.

      You’re completely wrong about my ex-wife – about all of your assumptions. We are now very good friends and we trust each other’s judgement on a lot of things. I don’t expect anybody else to understand it, that’s just the way things are. I will never take her back, will never want her back (and vice versa) and we are both in relationships with other people. We are both totally ok with that. It’s nobody else’s business.

  2. “Women are rarely truthful to men so we never know for sure.”

    Wow! That is some broad sweeping generalization. My Ex cheated on me and i didn’t find out until after our divorce. He was also member of just about every dating website available including: (a website for married people looking to have an affair). When I found out the real reason why got divorced, as well as the on-line dating sites he was a member of, he denied it. He continued denying it until I threw the proof I had in his face. To this day, he denies cheating. Even thought I have already connected the dots. Then he back-tracked claiming he never f*cked her while married to me. Hmmm, maybe not, but there was an emotional affair taking place and IMHO that is just as damaging.

    BTW, her divorce hearing was 2 months after our hearing. Coincidence? I think not.

    As a result of this experience, should I make broad sweeping generalizations about men?

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