Posted in Mood Music

“There’s a fine, fine line between reality and pretend”

“You’ll never know ’til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb”

Go the lyrics to Fine, Fine Line from hit musical Avenue Q. I would have to disagree as I think you never know if it was worth it until you’re coming back down the other side. Though this song is about a couple breaking up, there are a few general lines in there that can apply for when two friends part company, or one realises that their “friendship” was only ever one way.

Saying goodbye to a friend is always a difficult thing but when you feel that friendship was only ever one way, that the other person only took and never gave, that you were only a convenience for them… then that is no friendship at all. This is how I feel about Miss X these days and I have finally cut her out of my life. A month ago I unfriended her from Facebook and Google+, delisted her from LinkenIn and removed her as a Skype contact. If she ever notices, if she ever responds this is the sort of thing I might say to her (yes, it’s another unsent letter – they have their own page now!).

Dear Miss X,

I don’t really feel we have had much of a friendship for the last 2-3 years, and from one perspective it ended a long time ago.

As soon as Mister Unsuitable came into your life you forgot about your apparent best friend on the other side of the Atlantic and that’s precisely what happened with the boyfriend before that too. Our breakups coincided and we rekindled what we both agreed was a neglected friendship. You agreed that the distance was mostly yours – and I agree. I continued to send you birthday and Christmas greetings and let you know how the wife (now my ex-wife obviously) were getting on in our new life together. You said it wouldn’t happen again, but it did.

Mister Unsuitable arrives to sweep you off your feet and suddenly you are “too busy” all over again. Clearly, once again, you lost all interest in our apparent friendship which includes the sort of support I might expect from an apparent “best friend” when going through life’s difficulties. I fell out with a friend last year and when I commented on Facebook asking if anybody who knew her knew why she had done it, your only reaction was to type *hug*. That was it.

You remember that brief period I dated Ubergeek and you seemed genuinely pleased I had met somebody I clicked with. I grant you that you messaged me regularly to ask how things were going but then when things went pear-shaped and she got back with her ex – you said “Kudos to her for giving you an explanation. I would have ignored the other person.”

It didn’t surprise me because I have seen how you treat people who are no longer of use. Shortly after that Mister Unsuitable moved in with you and contact ceased. I received one message from you in March of 2013 in which you claimed to be “too busy” and another in May in which you claimed again to be too busy. That was the last time I had any contact from you aside from the occasional like of a picture or status. I learnt my lessons from previous Christmases so I admit that I did not bother to waste my breath to send you a card or even a Facebook message for that matter and I had no contact from you over the break either.

I’ve had my ups and downs in the last few years but I feel I have bounced back and now I am starting to see some people in a new light. Yes, you are one of them. You are probably wondering if I am angry with you? No. I’m actually sad. Sad and very disappointed. I’m sad because I feel you always had such little regard for our friendship. I’m disappointed for promises broken especially the one I mentioned in the beginning “I won’t neglect another friendship because of a boyfriend again”.

I hope Mister Unsuitable continues to make you happy. If things go wrong, I will not be the one to pick you up again knowing I’ll only get cast aside when you meet someone else.

I am a loyal friend and I stick by the people I care about. I am on the verge of being in my first post-divorce relationship. I have no intention of neglecting any of the friends I have – male or female; I will do my best to stay in contact and meet up where convenient. Naturally when you meet someone, some friends slip back in your priorities – that’s understandable – but there’s a world of difference between that and using people for an ego boost when you are single.

CUCH

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

14 thoughts on ““There’s a fine, fine line between reality and pretend”

  1. I think that line in the song meant that you’ll never know what you’re gonna get until you jump into the relationship. But I agree with you that your friend sounds like a fairweather friend.

    1. I think that line in the song meant that you’ll never know what you’re gonna get until you jump into the relationship.

      I was reading it to mean you never know if a relationship (or friendship) is really worth it until you hit a rough patch but as you put it that way, you’re probably right.

    1. No, what I should “have” done was realised long ago that she was not the person I thought she was and that her friendship is only good when she’s single.

  2. I have lost a couple of friendships (w women) for this very reason. One friend in particular brought out the worst in me. She pushed me aside because she was seeing a married man. When he had time for her, I was pushed to the periphery. When he didn’t have time for her, I was her BFF. I finally grew fed up and expressed my concerns to her via email. [Read: bad move].

    One day a few months later, she drove past my house with a friend and her friend screamed out the window (while driving past) “BITCH!” I laughed and ran to the end of my driveway and screamed. “Why don’t you come back and say that to my face!” After that, I knew cutting her out of my life was the right thing to do.

    1. Thanks for your comments. This “friend” lives thousands of miles away so I am unlikely to suffer such nastiness! Sorry to hear about that, she was clearly never your friend.

        1. Nor me. I think our friendship finished for a second time when she fell in love with another guy. She saw me as a tool to boost her own ego rather than a human being with actual feelings of my own.

          Here’s to getting rid of fake friends!

            1. Yes, I decided it was time for a theme change 🙂 I do it every six months or so

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