“You’ll never know ’til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb”
Go the lyrics to Fine, Fine Line from hit musical Avenue Q. I would have to disagree as I think you never know if it was worth it until you’re coming back down the other side. Though this song is about a couple breaking up, there are a few general lines in there that can apply for when two friends part company, or one realises that their “friendship” was only ever one way.
Saying goodbye to a friend is always a difficult thing but when you feel that friendship was only ever one way, that the other person only took and never gave, that you were only a convenience for them… then that is no friendship at all. This is how I feel about Miss X these days and I have finally cut her out of my life. A month ago I unfriended her from Facebook and Google+, delisted her from LinkenIn and removed her as a Skype contact. If she ever notices, if she ever responds this is the sort of thing I might say to her (yes, it’s another unsent letter – they have their own page now!).
Dear Miss X,
I don’t really feel we have had much of a friendship for the last 2-3 years, and from one perspective it ended a long time ago.
As soon as Mister Unsuitable came into your life you forgot about your apparent best friend on the other side of the Atlantic and that’s precisely what happened with the boyfriend before that too. Our breakups coincided and we rekindled what we both agreed was a neglected friendship. You agreed that the distance was mostly yours – and I agree. I continued to send you birthday and Christmas greetings and let you know how the wife (now my ex-wife obviously) were getting on in our new life together. You said it wouldn’t happen again, but it did.
Mister Unsuitable arrives to sweep you off your feet and suddenly you are “too busy” all over again. Clearly, once again, you lost all interest in our apparent friendship which includes the sort of support I might expect from an apparent “best friend” when going through life’s difficulties. I fell out with a friend last year and when I commented on Facebook asking if anybody who knew her knew why she had done it, your only reaction was to type *hug*. That was it.
You remember that brief period I dated Ubergeek and you seemed genuinely pleased I had met somebody I clicked with. I grant you that you messaged me regularly to ask how things were going but then when things went pear-shaped and she got back with her ex – you said “Kudos to her for giving you an explanation. I would have ignored the other person.”
It didn’t surprise me because I have seen how you treat people who are no longer of use. Shortly after that Mister Unsuitable moved in with you and contact ceased. I received one message from you in March of 2013 in which you claimed to be “too busy” and another in May in which you claimed again to be too busy. That was the last time I had any contact from you aside from the occasional like of a picture or status. I learnt my lessons from previous Christmases so I admit that I did not bother to waste my breath to send you a card or even a Facebook message for that matter and I had no contact from you over the break either.
I’ve had my ups and downs in the last few years but I feel I have bounced back and now I am starting to see some people in a new light. Yes, you are one of them. You are probably wondering if I am angry with you? No. I’m actually sad. Sad and very disappointed. I’m sad because I feel you always had such little regard for our friendship. I’m disappointed for promises broken especially the one I mentioned in the beginning “I won’t neglect another friendship because of a boyfriend again”.
I hope Mister Unsuitable continues to make you happy. If things go wrong, I will not be the one to pick you up again knowing I’ll only get cast aside when you meet someone else.
I am a loyal friend and I stick by the people I care about. I am on the verge of being in my first post-divorce relationship. I have no intention of neglecting any of the friends I have – male or female; I will do my best to stay in contact and meet up where convenient. Naturally when you meet someone, some friends slip back in your priorities – that’s understandable – but there’s a world of difference between that and using people for an ego boost when you are single.