Posted in Dating / Relationships, Sex & Intimacy

You Think You’re Flawed, But Your Man Thinks…

Off topic for this blog but as a straight, red-blooded male I feel I have to say something.

This is one for you ladies. Ever wonder what a man really thinks of your body? That bum you think sticks out a bit too much? That crooked teeth you think ruins your smile? Your wonky toe? The scar on your chin from when you slipped over and fell off your trampoline? That acne scar on your chest? We really do have different eyes from the one you have.

guardian.com

The 3 points made in the article above are the most fundamental things I wish that women would absorb – and number 3 should be especially sobering: “You are not only beating yourself up about these things, you are also tearing down his first impressions of you“. In other words, when you condemn yourself, you are also condemning the desire that he feels for you and by extension you are condemning him.

There will always be men and women who expect physical perfection of their partners but that is far less about what they desire than it is about control – they want to have power to make or break you. They want to feel that they are the switch, the sole reason for you confidence or otherwise, the reason for your success or otherwise. A man who truly desires you will either not notice your apparent flaws or he will be the more attracted to you because of them.

You say: “I have a fat arse.” He says: “I could squeeze that soft, round bum all day if you’d only let me.

You say: “I hate my chipped tooth / gap between my teeth.” He says: “When you smile it makes you look a bit cheeky – and that’s cute.”

You say: “My boobs are too small.” He says: “Boobs are boobs – you have boobs and that’s all I need to know.

You say: “I have cellulite!” He says: “When my hand is gently stroking your thigh, I am thinking a thousand things – your cellulite is not on that list.”

You say: “I hate my big hips and boobs. I look like a duck!” He says “Tell me when – precisely – the hourglass figure is supposed to have stopped being sexy? And who made that decision?

Oh and for the record, the freckly girl above? Sexy as hell! Both my ex-wife and Mirror Image have them.

————————

What really got me thinking about all of this was that night I spent with Mirror Image. It was amazing how comfortable we were being naked and I was partly surprised because she has typically demonstrated such little confidence in herself. She didn’t attempt to shy away and in no way appeared anxious or worried about what I might think of her body. Quite the opposite in fact: she proudly showed me a couple of scars and a scattering of moles on her back. She asked about the gash on my arm from my Spartan Run and asked if I had any other interesting scars.

Overall we were comfortable with it so I guess the question is whether this is typical? Do all of our hang-ups simply go out of the window in the throes of passion when two people are intimate for the first time? Ladies and gents, the floor is open…

She’ll be here in a few hours so I’ll most likely be quiet for a few days 🙂

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

3 thoughts on “You Think You’re Flawed, But Your Man Thinks…

  1. I learned a long time ago that when a man is attracted to you, he only sees the best in you, physical traits included. Usually the stuff we don’t like about our bodies men don’t care about or even notice.
    PS- Excited for you! Have fun!(I know you will)

    1. Women are persistently pushed this image in the media that you must be physically perfect. The images are not your friend – they have no vested interest in making you feel better about yourself even if you could live up to those standards. Most men will be attracted to your flaws because they are what make you unique.

      She left just about an hour ago. Really going to miss her until I see her again 😦 Had a great time… update to come when I have caught up with work 🙂

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