Posted in Dating / Relationships, Sex & Intimacy

Why Sexual Compatibility in Relationships Is Important

Following on from yesterday’s post, finally at the age of 39 I know what it means to be having good sex and learning how important compatibility is. Mirror Image and I are so much in tune and we have both said that we are having the best sex we’ve ever had; if it just gets better from here then we’ll have few complaints going forward! Not of course that either of us have much experience to compare but it seems when you know it’s good, you simply know it.

And sex is good for you – it’s one of the most enjoyable forms of exercise, it reduces your stress levels and it releases those important brain chemicals to make you feel happy and relaxed.

Seven reasons why sex is important
NHS talks the health benefits of sex
Men’s Health on health benefits

who doesn’t love a good massage? wikimedia

Now, it is a case of feeling more relaxed about what I like, what I want and how I feel, and about what turns me on and off. Most of all, being open about it rather than feeling odd or different for my preferences or that I am not up to scratch (or when my ex-wife blamed me for her affair, unable to satisfy any woman in bed). I felt I was different for a long time because of my preferences. I mentioned that my ex-wife was into pain but her desire for rough sex was just a little bit too rough for me. My preferences are at the other end of the scale. I love giving and receiving massages, I love to touch and to be touched, finding the sweet spots all over the body to blow somebody’s mind. I like to be teased, toyed with and to have my mind blown too. Lightly brush your hair down the length of my chest and I am a quivering wreck.

I have never liked conventional porn – more often laughing at it than feeling aroused. I prefer stuff that is artistic, or mistakenly considered the exclusive preserve of women – often lumped into content sites in its own little corner as “For Couples” or “Female Friendly”. Perhaps it is made largely with women in mind – but that’s not to say that millions of men the world over don’t prefer this sexual outlet against what we have come to understand is representative of mainstream porn. What I like may be “female friendly”, but it is not feminine: it can be intensely passionate without cutting to a single fountain metaphor or with Barry White track in the background! I want to come to porn as a mental health issue down the line too and how it contributes in part to male sexual dysfunction.

When Mirror Image and I were last together, I gave her a much-promised and anticipated sensual massage which she thoroughly enjoyed and well… the evening didn’t end there. Later that week it was my turn and I enjoyed teaching her as much as I enjoyed learning what she does and doesn’t like. She was nervous but open to suggestion and wants to do it again (always a bonus!)

Am I different? Or am I simply being open about what I like when too many men are embarrassed to admit that they like that too but would feel that they are not supposed to like it? Right now, it doesn’t really matter. We seem very compatible in the bedroom and that, for both of us, is something to be celebrated. She wants us to go away in the summer, for some time to ourselves and she has mentioned wanting a place with a shower big enough for two and a bed large enough to roll around on.

Sex is for most people an important part of a modern relationship. No longer do we or are we expected to wait until we are married. Compatibility is not how how often you do it or with how many people you are doing it with, but the quality of the sex you are having.

Psychology Today – Importance of sexual compatibility to your satisfaction
IPG counselling on the importance of factoring in sexual compatibility to a long-term relationship



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

2 thoughts on “Why Sexual Compatibility in Relationships Is Important

  1. Sex IS good for you and your health! For the reasons you stated, but also we need intimacy and that’s about being truly honest and open with someone, that’s another mental health benefit!

    1. Oh god yes, merely the feeling of being close to somebody, being in their personal space and letting them inside your personal space is a great stress reliever.

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