Posted in Dating / Relationships, Mental Health

Loving A Complicated Women

I don’t know what it is, but something inside me loves complicated women and always has done. My ex-wife was complicated with some deep-seated emotional issues, Miss X is complicated and now I am once again in a relationship with a complicated woman with a history of mental health issues and a past she cannot really let go of. I have talked here extensively about the barriers she has thrown up but has gradually let them down.

Most of my dates until I met Mirror Image had been distinctly straightforward, especially ubergeek for whom I fell head over heels in a very short space of time. Mischief was complicated and Indiechick came across as straightforward but with two complicated divorces, I was really surprised she was as chilled out as she came across.

What is it about complicated women that draws me in?

What it really comes down to is intelligence. Complicated people are often the most intelligent and thoughtful people you are ever likely to meet. They enjoy deep conversations and though they might feel embarrassed at some of the strange thoughts that they have, when they air them they come alive. That final conversation I had with Mischief that night just over a year ago really began to penetrate the layers of her soul. Then, and only then, did I really start to feel we were getting somewhere. Sadly it was not to be though as she got cold feet and brought it to an end.

I like a challenge; I’m sorry but I do. Complicated women are by their nature, difficult. They represent a challenge, not to tame the wild beast, but to really get to the point of who she is and to let that wild beast run freely in self-expression. There is also the element of wanting to feel I am (for want of a better word) earning her trust, respect, affection and love. After all, complicated people do not open up or trust easily so it feels like an honour when they do.

What I am far more conscious of now though, and a trap I don’t want to fall into again, is try to fix my complicated woman – help: yes, encourage: yes, support: yes, compliment and praise: yes, fix: no. That was the path to destruction of my marriage and though the seeds were sown early on with our sexless relationship, I take my own responsibility in acting more like a brother than a boyfriend. That’s not a trap that Mirror Image and I could fall into now – we are having a lot of sex when we are together and we clearly see each other as friends, confidantes and lovers. There is affection, support, attraction, lust and everything else that exists in a normal and healthy relationship.

Being with a complicated woman can be difficult, but when you feel that attraction to an intense, complicated or highly intelligent woman, you have no choice in that attraction; you can, however, choose how you respond to it. Make her feel special, she is emotionally high maintenance and being with her is going to be very difficult… but never boring.

How to love a strong and complicated woman



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

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