Posted in Gender

The Domestic Violence Double Standard

I had a debate with Delilah at Delilah’s Angels a few weeks ago about female to male domestic violence. She felt that F on M is not seen as a joke. I would very much like your thoughts on this one, Delilah…

What would you do if you saw someone physically abusing their partner in public? Would you intervene or walk away because it is not your business? Would you refuse to get involved for the sake of your own safety? Would you react differently depending on the gender of the person who is abusing?

This shocking video shows the real disparity between how we treat female and male victims of domestic abuse.

I have discussed female on male domestic violence before and it was pretty clear from the newspaper article I based my post on, that people do not see it as a big problem. Towards the end, a number of bystanders are smiling at seeing this man being abused by his apparent partner. The idea that men can defend themselves and take care of themselves, and should therefore be left alone to get on with it permeates our culture.

American reality show What Would You Do? shows pretty much the same thing except in this instance, a woman who walks past around 2:15 into the clip does something very shocking – she punches the air in delight. When questioned later, she asked why she responded like this and she replied “he probably did something to deserve it” and made some reference to her being strong woman whom she should try to emulate. Fucking seriously? A role model?

Sadly, this video demonstrates the attitude that woman can never be the aggressor, that no woman could ever cause real damage to a man. I disagree – as somebody who knows at least one man who was attacked by a former partner who used his head to test the sturdiness of a large frying pan, this cultural attitude is both wrong and dangerous. 40% of DV victims are men, yet the media perpetuates the myth that women are “overwhelmingly” the victims. A 60:40 split is not overwhelming.

Finally, I have no words for this one.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s