This is ridiculous and more than a little frustrating. I am madly in love with Mirror Image and fall in love with her just that little bit more every day. Our relationship is strong. We are not having problems by any stretch of the imagination and in the 10 months since we met… six months since we decided we were official (but backdated it to December when we met) we have had just one minor tiff.
The sex is great and gets better every day and the more we find out about each other’s sexuality, the more we realise we have stuff in common about what does and doesn’t turn each other on. It has improved our sex life dramatically. We are talking about me moving 200 miles to be with her in the New Year. To to all intents and purposes… we are as happy as can be expected. I do not want to be with anyone else, I do not want to have sex with anyone else and I am most certainly not thinking of straying (never cheated, never will). Our relationship is not perfect but it is good and it is strong.
So why the hell do I keep dreaming about ubergeek? A woman who admittedly made an amazing impression, somebody I felt myself falling for after just two dates, who then got back with her ex and consequently triggered my walking out of a job and entering into the precarious world of self-employment?
In the dreams I have about her, we are doing nothing that might be considered wrong if they happened in real life. We are, for example, drinking coffee, out for a walk, in a pub, eating lunch together and having a laugh, just catching up (sometimes a third person is present, such as a friend). That’s it – no flirting, no kissing, no PDA and no sex.
Ubergeek is a charming, sweet, intelligent, funny, gorgeous and bubbly person. She oozes positive vibes, has a great job she adores and is fun to be around without being a party animal. In my mind, she is The One That Got Away – someone I hope to see again someday but realise that may never, ever happen. We have not had contact now in about a year (not a long time, I know – not long enough to have grown apart from the potential).
So why in the last three months have I had at least four dreams with her in?
If she contacted me now and asked if I wanted to meet up, I know I would tell her that I would love to but I am with someone. Because I love and respect Mirror Image, I would not do that to her, but even if I had my girlfriend’s blessing on the understanding that we are meeting as friends, though I trust my actions I would not trust my feelings (because of how I felt when I thought I saw her a couple of months ago) and would therefore refuse to meet her.
I admit this is getting me down, I don’t want to feel my feelings are torn because they’re not (though as stated above, they may if we do meet) but really want to understand why I keep dreaming about somebody who hasn’t actually been playing on my mind.