Being with someone who struggles to put their words into feelings and actions can be hard when you are an affectionate person in relationships and in your previous relationships got used to your previous partner(s) expressing their feelings in words and actions. This is the conundrum I have faced in the last year since I got together with Mirror Image.
It has led at times to some concerns about her true feelings. I know her family background is one without emotional expression. There seems to be zero affection between her parents and emotional problems of their childhood that were not dealt with have only brewed and bubbled, leading often to arguments, resentment and misunderstanding.
That I am her first experience of a proper relationship adds an extra dimension. Having had very little attention from men in the past (or at least, attention from those who weren’t completely unsuitable), her only previous relationship lasted a few months and he seemed to care little for her and show very little interest in her.
I knew I had to be patient and let her express herself in her own way, in her own time. It wasn’t easy for me to have those doubts about her feelings, to consider that she may have only been with me in a hope she might one day feel something, but now I am secure in her feelings.
I know she loves me. I know she wants me and wants to be with me. She shows me and a few days ago, she told me. Yes, she actually said it and this week she has showed me more than ever before how much I am wanted and valued. I appreciate and understand how hard it may have been for her to get to that stage, to open up and trust that much. It has also put to rest my concerns about why she is with me. This is how it happened.
One night this week we climbed into bed after a long day and typically had a bit of a kiss and cuddle. When it came to sleep time, she rolled over so we could spoon. I kissed her neck and whispered in her ear “good night beautiful. I love you.”
She muttered in response. I did hear her but wanted her to repeat it so it was above barely audible.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”
“Yes you did.”
“No I didn’t. Tell me again.”
She chuckled. “Silly bugger. I LOVE YOU.”
We all want to feel wanted in a relationship and it is often said those words are overused and meaningless. That night, I knew she meant it.