Posted in Dating / Relationships

Can’t Get ANY Dates? Maybe the Problem is YOU

If there’s one thing I cannot stand, it is hearing women constantly whine and complain about how they can never find any decent men. Whether online or in social settings, I think we all know that the problem isn’t that there are no decent men, it is that they are being approached by normal, average men.

The problem, is that people are getting narcissistic and considering themselves entitled to something they may never attain and this article at the ever brilliant And That’s Why You’re Single demonstrates in part what the problem is. Please read the letter and the response.

These attitudes are further exemplified in this article from The Daily Mail five years ago.

“You sensed that they absolutely worshipped themselves, though none of them was drop-dead gorgeous or had amazing personalities, jobs or anything else to set them apart and elevate themselves into some superior position.”

I came across a narcissistic attitude with two of my dates. I mentioned The Sergeant before who I felt was playing games in trying to make me fit her “alpha male” requirements. I was having none of it and I remember some of my body language registered that I was completely unimpressed with her behaviour. She sent me a long rambling email a week after our date, apologising in every sentence and explaining how she “didn’t think it could work”, how I “wasn’t what she was looking for, blah blah, sorry, best of luck, sorry again. bye! sorry!” My response was short and basically said that the feeling was mutual and that it was obvious that neither of us were what the other was looking for from the start. Somebody who expects me to choose what they drink and then looks disapprovingly when I hand it to them is already off on the wrong foot with me. Perhaps she expected me to be distraught that she didn’t want to see me again, I don’t know.

The other was my pity date with Miss Give-Me-A-Chance. Similarly, after our 35 minute date (which is the point at which I made my excuses and should have been a sign that neither of us was into it), she too left it a few days to send me a lengthy email pointing out how we were not right for each other, how she wished me luck and hoped I got my own place soon and found someone who shared some of my interests in the way that she didn’t. I remember it came off a little sarcastic, once again probably with the assumption that I should have been grateful she gave me the opportunity, and perhaps expecting a begging letter in return?

Nope, not going to happen.

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

2 thoughts on “Can’t Get ANY Dates? Maybe the Problem is YOU

  1. Ok, I don’t know if my comment is going to appear because it would seem there is something going on with me and WP.

    Anyway, that article was spot on brilliant. Finally! Someone lays it out straight. I commented on your Christmas post but I don’t know if that comment is going to appear. However, in that comment, I mentioned being incapable of dating out of fear of being hurt. I can’t seem to open up and let anyone in. That being said, however, I have no illusions about my prospects. I am a 47 year old divorced woman with no kids. My chances of meeting someone my age are slim to none. Men my age want younger — at least most do. It is what it is and I have accepted it. When people ask me why aren’t I dating and that there are “lots of good men out there” I remind them that men my age want younger. I am not, nor have I ever been opposed to dating older men. When I am ready to date, that’s most likely what I will target, men older than me and here again, I am fine with that.

    Like the woman in that article, I am hit on constantly by younger men — to the point where it is comical. In fact, often times I will say, “Is banging an older woman on your bucket list or something?” No doubt these younger men pursue me because like that article states, they think I am desperate OR… maybe they pursue me so they can brag about nailing an older broad. The funny thing is, I have no objection to any of their reasons. If I were in the right frame of mind (and I’m not but if I were) I’d gladly take on a younger dude because I know he’s not looking for a commitment. I would know, going into it that our “relationship” for lack of a better word, would be nothing more than sex. And if that’s what I wanted, if that’s what mattered to me, then why not have some fun. Right?

    Thankfully, that’s not what I am about. I am not looking for sex, nor am I looking for a Husband #2. I am not looking for anything, at least, not now. But when I am ready to date and I’m not sure when that will be, I won’t give a flying fig what the guy does for a living or how much education he has… Who cares!

    What I will focus on is how he treats me. Period.

    1. Though it is true that some men date younger, not all of us do. My age range was seven years down and five years up. You’ll find the most eligible men will date much younger because they can. It’s about how men and women are objectified – women for youth and beauty and men for status and money. Even women who are not gold diggers subconsciously look to date / marry up.

      I’m sure you will find someone in time 🙂

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