Feminists often bitterly deny that they ever attempt to shame men for having any sexual feelings, and the modern propensity to talk about “entitlement” whenever any man is forward about his desires is yet another double standard in their arsenal. Having grown bored with the male feminist bastion that is The Good Men Project (a site that claims to be about men’s issues but where 95% of the articles are about women and how men should change to suit women), I came across rationalist anti-feminist site Feminist Critics.
All I can say is that this discussion site and blog is a breath of fresh air. It has zero tolerance for trolling, disrespect of people and groups and encourages rational and intelligent debate. Yes it is an anti-feminist site, but don’t make the mistake of assuming it’s populated by hate-fuelled MRAs – it’s nothing of the sort. This is the site that GMP should be or should have been.
I’m still thinking a lot about “creep-shaming” and feminist denial of the phenomena except in circumstances where a man is being creepy. Feminists have become very good at double standards regarding sex-shaming of men. Not so much slut shaming (though they certainly do that), but creep shaming and labelling men with sexual desires as “entitled predators”. Basically, if a man is forward about his sexual desires, he is automatically labelled a pervert or a creep. A woman who does so on the other hand, is “strong” and “independent”.
Reading an article recently, on a side note a blog comment linked to a summary of an article and its responses that had got many popular and influential feminist blogs in a tizz. The writer said that he had felt so ashamed of his sexual desires, that he was so distraught at the possibility of upsetting any woman simply through the act of expressing attraction, that he did all he could to repress his sexual desires, even going so far as to ask his GP to chemically castrate him.
He clearly had mental health issues exacerbated by the gender politics issues he was exploring at school and in his social circle. He was so upset at the prospect of making any woman female uncomfortable about this, that it affected him mentally. Sadly, the populist and influential feminist blogs did not react with anything approaching compassion – once again, their response was to label him yet another predatory, entitled male. He felt suicidal about his prospects of ever finding someone to love and equally that that desire was wrong – and feminists acted in the way pretty much everyone expected.
It’s this sort of bullshit that makes me angry sometimes and demonstrates that when it comes to male mental health that we a) have a long way to go and b) feminists are not a sympathetic to men’s issues as they claim to be. I guarantee that had this been a woman expressing pretty much the same feelings and attitudes, the responses would have been completely different. It is this lack of compassion and the victim mentality why I have very little sympathy today for feminism and why I now find it direct contradiction to my egalitarian principles.
I felt socially awkward for most of my life and can identify with the problems he had – though I never went as far as asking to be chemically castrated. I did try to repress my feelings, and did so after my marriage broken down – mostly because I felt repulsive but partly because of overt messages that male sexuality is automatically bad. I went so far as to move farther up an aeroplane to avoid sitting next to an attractive woman in case she thought I was creepy for sitting next to her when the aircraft was only 50% full.
Social anxiety related to relationships and sex is overwhelmingly the major reason behind male mental health and suicide and the narcissism of both side of the gender politics debate – where both sides claim to have the best interests of men at heart, are doing and have done nothing to alleviate it.