Posted in Dating / Relationships

Rules for “Rules for Dating”

Just a bit of irreverent satire here ahead of V-Day. We’ve all seen nonsensical and pointless rules for dating all over the web. Often they include the most inane twaddle, stuff we’ve read before and has probably never been true. Everybody is a self-styled dating expert, and the more disastrous their relationships have been, and the more perpetually single they are, the more of an expert they consider themselves – and so they post a list that generally follows this format.

ncregister.com
  • Rule one should always use a logical fallacy such as appealing to popular belief – example: we know that all men only want to date women under 25 and we know that all women want to date men over 6’4″
  • Rule two invents some statistics in relation to men and women’s dating habits. Example: In a recent survey, 75% of men and 68% of women said they would…
  • Rule three presents gender stereotypes as if they are fact. For example: men think about sex four times per second and women think about sex once every four years.
  • Rule four presents the personal opinion (or wishful thinking) of the writer as if it is fact: men secretly love to go shopping with you as a choice of date!
  • Rule five says something that contradicts any number of the above-stated rules, such as offering wildly different statistics to those presented in rule two. In this case it will be 40% of men and 80% of women…
  • Rule six invents an arbitrary time period for progress. You must wait three days to respond to a text, three days to respond to tell/him her you’d like to see them again, let the phone ring for three days before answering. When he asks when you are free again, tell him “three days”. Anything before that and you will seem desperate, anything later than that and you seem uninterested
  • Rule seven says if you do XYZ you’ll appear desperate
  • Rule eight says if you don’t do the same XYZ above, you are spineless
  • Rule nine dictates how many kisses (x) you should put in a text message and what it means when they put more/fewer than normal
  • Rule ten says that all men and all women think the same. That means if he doesn’t ask you to marry him within the first year, he probably won’t ever ask you. If she hasn’t had sex with you within one month or by the third date, she will never want to have sex with you
  • Rule eleven lists all the subjects you shouldn’t talk about
  • Rule twelve lists all the subjects you should talk about; invariably it lists some of the things from rule eleven
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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

4 thoughts on “Rules for “Rules for Dating”

    1. Welcome 🙂 There is a slight barb attached as I read nonsense like this all the time – as I’m sure we all do.

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