Posted in Dating / Relationships

The Weight-Height Double Standard

Young woman is owned on her double standards on dating app Tindr. An interesting article discussing the problem is here. The man writing the article (not the same guy who had the conversation on the dating site) in question is 6’10” and women are always asking him about his height.

I guess this bloke’s patience ran out because he gives this woman short shrift about the height-weight double standard in dating.

The comments are even more revealing to what extent some women attempt to justify their double standards. There are not that many comments so far but the one featuring the user called Ariel Elliot is very telling – it has become cliche that men are pigs for rejecting a woman because of a single physical factor (her weight) but women are just exercising their judgement and dating choices in rejecting a man because of a single physical attribute (his height).

I don’t judge people’s dating choices, and neither should anybody else judge mine or anybody else’s dating choices, but we can’t deny that men get pulled up on this stuff all the time and women usually get a free pass with “it’s biology!”

Just some food for thought. If you’d get angry because a man rejected you because of your weight, think twice about being so dismissive of men who don’t meet your minimum height requirement.

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

9 thoughts on “The Weight-Height Double Standard

  1. I have no problem with those who have physical criteria in a match. But it annoys me when women accept or reject men based on physical criteria, and then get upset when men exercise the same right. I’ll even go as far as to argue that being rejected for your height is almost worse than being rejected for your weight. At least you can get un-fat. You can’t get un-short.

    btw – I’ve seen that screenshot before. I’m always leery of things like these; it’s may very well be legit, but at the same time it’s not hard to construct a meme to fit your purpose. But I saw this one in a compilation with a bunch of others… I’ll have to find it and post the link…

    1. I agree with your sentiment. It’s the double standard that bothers me, not that women have a minimum height requirement. You’re right, women who make the most fuss about rejecting men on something so arbitrary are usually the ones who would get the most upset.

      I would compare rejecting a man for his height with rejecting a woman because she has small breasts.

      People make their own choices and live or die by them.

  2. I am 47 years old. I’ll be 48 this month! Holy Crap! It’s March isn’t it?

    CUCH, I am soooooooooo beyond this (this being the ‘looks’).

    Full Disclosure: I am not dating. I am not looking to date. I am not interested at this juncture in bringing a man into my life after 3 years of divorce. I’m just not at that point, yet.

    Now, with that said, I *do* notice men. Meet men on the train. Meet men because they are contractors working on my house, meet men in the city where I work, etc. What I notice first is the teeth or the smile.

    For example. October 2014 I emailed a painter who was referred to me. He’s a local guy, great rep, very well respected, 3rd generation Irish-American, 3rd generation in the town I/he live in. The first time we met, he was walking up the walkway to my backdoor. I came out to greet him. The first thing I noticed was his smile. Height-wise, I’d say he was 5′ 6″ and a wee bit overweight. But I didn’t even care because man what a smile! He and I have been communicating back and forth because he just finished the project I hired him to do and I have more projects down the road. CUCH, I gotta tell you, what a genuinely nice guy this painter is!!!! The more I interact with him, the more I wish I was 11 years younger. Yes he and I are 11 years apart in age. I guess that makes me a cougar for *liking a younger man*???

    Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I’m so past the looks thing. I’m finding myself attracted to men who bring something to the table OTHER THAN physical attributes.

    I refuse to join dating websites because when my EXH and I were married, he was trolling (or is that trawling) dating sites looking to ‘hook up’, including AshleyMadison.com a site for married people looking to have an affair. “Life is short. Have an affair.” is their tag line.

    You are correct though, it is a double standard. We women expect leniency for our body/weight transgressions but we expect men to meet our physical attributes (height) but you know what CUCH, it can and does go the other way. I have worked with men who bring nothing to the table expect their hefty salary and yet they will date nothing less than a Barbie Doll. These men are overweight, sloppy, disgusting teeth, you name it and they want the Giselle’s of the world and they refuse to settle. I’ll never forget I got into a heated debate with a co-worker because he said JLo’s arse was too fat. Meanwhile, he was at least 76 lbs overweight, slovenly and in a word: Gross!

    In closing, I was married to a very handsome man who is 5′ 11″ and he treated me worse than any guy I’ve ever been with. The ego on him was astounding. He never made an effort because he didn’t feel he had to. Most very good looking guys copt this ‘tude. They don’t have to work at it because behind the woman they are dating or married to, is a line of women dying to step up to plate. Women used to follow my Ex around supermarkets while I was there WITH HIM!!!!

    IMHO (and what I am about to say is very sexist), guys who are super handsome are nothing but trouble. Give me a man whose looks are average but has a personality that rocks any day of the week!

    1. With you totally! I have no problem with people having standards and exercising their choices so long as they don’t criticise or attack others for exercising that right to say “no” to them; because usually, the pickiest people are the most narcissistic and feel the most incensed when they are rejected. I wonder if it’s a power thing, they’re not willing to be the only who can say “no thanks”.

      I had a woman on OKCupid reject me for being “only” 1″ taller than her because she likes to wear heels and wants to feel enveloped. This was not a young girl either, IIRC she was a year older than me give or take. Her choice, I wasn’t angry, that’s shit’s not worth bothering with, but I was tempted to ask her what she would think if I rejected her purely on the basis that her breasts were too small? I imagine I would have been subject to a lot of abuse.

      I’ve known men with nothing going for them feeling entitled to a barbie doll too. I have a 55 year old uncle going through a divorce who still thinks he can get an intelligent (he’s not), university-educated (he’s not that either), slim (he’s not this) 30-year-old bombshell with skyscraper legs. To some of the dates I had before meeting my girlfriend, he’s said “if you don’t want her, I’ll have her!” Thing is, he wouldn’t have much to offer a woman in my age range and with the education criteria that I look for (I’m a sapiosexual so intelligence is a must for me).

      What bothers me is that men are nearly always condemned for this behaviour but women rarely are. I think it is recent for men to pull women up for this double standard. I guess that’s one of the downsides of equality, you get pulled up on your behaviour!

  3. CUCH, Well said. You’re good an analyzing this data, shining a light on the hypocrisy. I wonder if we will ever move past this behavior. Women really need to look beyond the height/social status BS because it’s a waste of time. I often wonder how many nice men these women have passed on due to their criteria. This goes for men as well. I wonder how many nice ladies they missed on.

    I do not consider myself intelligent. I am of average intelligence so in that sense, maybe I would avoid a man who I deem extremely intelligent because I would be afraid he would see me as nothing but stupid. I hide my lack of intelligence behind humor. I prefer everyone get along and for people to view me as laid back, not too serious, hence the reason I use expressions like, “Dude!” I am not well read due to my dyslexia. Don’t misunderstand. I’ve read and enjoyed a literature but often times it takes me longer to get through the book and sometimes I have to read it more than once. However… I can draw and am told I have a “photographic memory”. I am also good at spacial stuff. I can tell if a sofa will fit in a room without measuring the room or the sofa. Something that used to baffle my Ex-husband who is a contractor. He has to measure everything. I on the other hand do not. My same ability applies to hanging pictures or art on the walls in the house. I never measure… however, every time I would hang art/photos, my Ex would be stymied by my ability to line everything up solely by eye. I am also a great cook and a hard worker (labor). Throw me outside with tools and tell me to landscape the yard and at the end of the day you’ll have something pretty incredible. The flip side is: quiz me on a Iliad or the Odyssey and I am liable to fall short (I will need the cliff notes if you want me to pass the test). 😐

    I guess we all have our Plus and Minuses, right?

    1. Hey. those things are intelligence – not academic, granted, but you have the curiosity to figure things out. Humour is a type of emotional intelligence and you have practical skills and a trial and error approach to those practical skills.

      Somebody would say that all of those things are types of intelligence.

  4. Interesting post CUCH and I have to agree with all of the comments above. Looks/physical features are important to both Men AND women. It’s a human thing. As a guy, I just hate the way the women as a whole (not ALL women, mind you) like to generalize all men as being superficial and such.

    1. Hi rob, welcome back! Absolutely. The one I find most amusing is how those same women can at once think that men are both shallow and would f*ck anything with a pulse. I mean, if a man is shallow it means he is picky. If he’s picky, then he can’t be completely un-picky, surely?

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