Posted in Gender

There is a Need for a Men’s Movement, and Here’s Why

Though I most certainly do not identify as MRA for a variety of reasons, I do feel there are clear reasons for why there needs to be a men’s movement. The reason I don’t identify as MRA is because they are often right wing and I am a leftie. Many of them often seem concerned about the breakdown of the nuclear family – an issue I really could not care about. Here are the reasons I feel we need a men’s movement

To Show That Men Suffer Disadvantage

Many feminists insist that all men have privilege over all women. This is an absurd notion in a world where 90% of workplace deaths are male, where 75% of suicides are male and 5/7 homeless people are male. When we make such a sweeping statement, it presents the absurd notion that Emma Watson has less privilege than a man living on the streets of London born into an abusive household and left home at the age of 16, having not had a roof over his head since. – purely and only because of his genitals.

Silencing Tactics

Because men need to be able to talk about our problems and issues in public without having a woman shout us down about how she has it so much harder purely and only because she is a woman. Whenever any man talks about his struggles and there are women present, there will invariably be at least one to “remind” him that what he has suffered could never measure up to her issues. This type of womansplaining not only belittles his struggles but is also dismissive of the concept that men even have difficulties.

“Check your privilege” is used as a silencing tactic in these situations.

Because F on M Abuse is seen as Amusing – or Worse, Non-Existent

When a man is being hit by an abusive female partner, he gets laughed at. Sharon Osbourne thinks its “fabulous” that a man who asks for a divorce  had his penis cut off. The half-arsed apology of those women who laughed about it later suggested there may have been justification.

While I accept that there is not enough provision for abused women, compare that to the statistic that in as many as 40% of abusive partnerships the victim is male – then look at the fact that there is next to no provision for men. Add in the stigma and that the issue is seen as a joke and we have a lethal problem.

Because Men Are Objectified Too

Not as much physically, but in terms of being Success Objects. Men are valued for our successes rather than our bodies. If this was not true, why are so many women obsessed with Christian Grey, the billionaire protagonist of 50 Shades of Grey? It has nothing to do with his personality or his looks, but his ridiculous wealth and how much of it he lavishes upon Ana. If he was poor, it would be a thriller in which Ana would be rescued by a devoted boyfriend at the end following her trauma at the hands of a crazed, abusive psychopath. But no, Grey is rich so it’s “romance” even when he rapes her.

Whereas a woman is more than her body, a man his more than his degree and his bank account. Remember that next time you say “I just want to find a rich man”.

Because Feminism Claims to
Care About Men’s Issues

But there seems to be very little evidence for that. HeForShe was about women, not equality. Emma Watson’s speech for which she received unlimited deference was little more than an invitation for men to sit down in the corner and shut up while women sort out the problems of the world. That’s not equality.

Because Men Are Always
The Perpetrator, Never the Victim

We need to drop the idea that a man could never be a victim and that a woman is always a victim – in some ways, feminism seems to encourage this thinking. If a woman gets cheated on, her partner is a bastard with no exceptions, no excuses. If a man gets cheated on, he must have done something to deserve it. We need to change the narrative that infantilises women and demonises men. We won’t have true equality until we do.

Because We Are Shamed for our Sexual Choices Too

If I, as a 40-year-old man slept with a 19-year-old girl, I’d be a “perv”, a “creep”, or a “weirdo”. If a woman my age sleeps with a 19-year-old man, she’s a “cougar” and “in charge of her sexuality”.

Because “Real Men Prefer…” memes attempt to dictate what men should like. A man turns down a woman for being overweight and the whole world goes mad. A woman turns down a man for being an inch too short and she’s seen as “prudent” and “selective”. Why do we let women dictate what we should like? Why do we let ourselves be shamed in this way? I can’t remember ever seeing a “Real Women Prefer Unambitious Men” on a picture of a man wearing a McDonald uniform and I can imagine the reaction if such a thing was common on Facebook and wasn’t used in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. As men, we need to celebrate our sexuality instead of allowing ourselves be shamed by the sort of feminists who want to control and manipulate men’s feelings into compliance with what they find palatable.

Because Men Shunning Marriage is Seen as Immaturity,
Women Shunning Marriage is Seen as Independence.

“Man child” is a regular slur thrown at men who choose the bachelor lifestyle way beyond a period determined suitable or agreeable for women – usually mid 30s. Men cannot and should not choose to reject a life partner, mortgage and children damn it, how dare they! Men are also increasingly not wanting children and not being afraid to say so. Women have fought and won the right not to be married off the moment she leaves school, to go to university, to travel, to get a job and settle down when she feels ready. The problem is, there is the notion that what men want from marriage or relationships does not matter – that women and women alone should dictate the time and schedule for getting married.

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Author:

I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

9 thoughts on “There is a Need for a Men’s Movement, and Here’s Why

  1. Sometimes this is a tough position to defend – the idea that there needs to be a men’s movement, or the very notion men’s advocacy. As a man posing this position to a women, one – more often than not – takes a verbal beating at the very idea that men are ever victims. However defend men doesn’t mean attacking women and vice versa. Whenever I think my back is up against the proverbial wall in this argument, I think back to the age-old expression that “two wrongs never make a right”.

    1. However defend men doesn’t mean attacking women and vice versa.

      This is my major gripe with the MRA, they are often more focused on attacking feminism than they are with speaking about men’s issues and turning the other cheek against the misandrist element – that and inventing conspiracies just as much as the rad-fems they criticise.

      I realise it is a very precarious situation, yet the lives of men and women are different with very different pressures and expectations – we should never belittle anybody’s lived experiences, even and especially when we perceive they have privilege over us.

      That is what I feel a certain type of feminist does, belittles the experiences of men because they think we have it so easy.

    1. Thanks 🙂

      I am always concerned about how these sort of posts will come across to my female subscribers. As I said above, many women (particularly those who identify as feminists) often do not want to hear about mens’ struggles because it goes against Patriarchal Theory. I’m glad my subscriber base includes some rational and open-minded people.

      1. Thanks CUCH. I do believe I am open-minded. I also do not believe anyone can stand on a soapbox and proclaim that they had it the worst — no one.

        I am currently re-watching the Mad Men Series. I’m currently in the midst of Season 3 and let me say this, if that is what it was like for white men back in the early 60s, then all I can say is, talk about pressure! The pressures of society to be a “certain type of man” is daunting. Granted, women didn’t have it so great back then either, nor did the African Americans. It was a turbulent time. African Americans were vying for civil rights and the women’s movement was right behind. African Americans, Women and even White men had it tough, granted, it may seem like white men had it easier but that’s perception from the other side. Their societal pressures weren’t any better. Honestly, I wouldn’t want the pressures that men, especially white men have to live under, even today.

        Fembot Feminists are giving ‘feminism’ a bad name. Feminism is EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE. I believe a lot of them lose sight of what the true meaning of feminism is.

        1. lol “Fembot Feminists”, I need to use that more often.

          Many women react angrily at the concept that any man could possibly experience difficulty. Thankfully, there are those who are prepared to see outside their own privilege-disadvantage balance to attempt to understand others’ point of view.

          You’re right about men’s difficulties; we’re expected to act a certain way, we’re expected to always be striving for success while always being made to feel it’s never enough.

          You didn’t comment on these two articles so I wonder if you saw them? they cover some of the issues of the modern man as I perceived them. https://inthemindofmen.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/male-success-object-utilitarian/
          https://inthemindofmen.wordpress.com/2015/03/11/five-issues-core-to-mens-mental-health/

          Cheers again!

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