Posted in Sex & Intimacy

Things the Media Don’t Tell You About Sex (Male Perspective)

There has been a lot of criticism over the years about how media such as film, television and books misrepresent sex from a woman’s perspective, thereby presenting unrealistic expectations of sex for men and women. Here’s some things that women tend to misunderstand about sex based on unrealistic representation of male sexuality in the media.

Sherri Christian
Sherri Christian

Some of Us Need Foreplay

If the media is to be believed, all it takes to get a man in the mood is a lustful look, a lick of the lips or a comment like “make love to me” for a man to be standing to attention and ready for action. It surprises some women, I think, that it can sometimes take just as long to get us going as it does you. Our erections get stuck half way or it’s a stop-start process. Yanking on it doesn’t work and is likely to cause irritation, with or without lube. Some men like to be teased, others need you to physically relax us.

Some of Us Like Foreplay

Whereas above demonstrates that we need foreplay, some of us actually like it. It appears to come as a surprise to some women to hear “kiss my nipples” or “run your hands up the insides of my thighs, please” or “could you give me a bum massage?” Yup, some of us actually like it and even more shocking – some of us actually like engaging in your favourite foreplay games too.

We Can’t Delay Orgasm Indefinitely

Yes, we do have delaying tactics that help us last but they do not last forever – some are physical (strengthening pelvic muscles) and some are more psychological (using a distraction). Mine is to think about my tax return and it has worked very well so far. However, there will come a point where we can hold it in no longer. Think of our organs like a water pump. There’s only so much pressure that can build up in the pipes before it has to go somewhere. Getting angry or upset doesn’t help and will only lead to anxiety the next time you are getting busy.

It’s Rare That We Can Carry on After Orgasm

This particularly misunderstanding regularly leads to accusations that your male partner doesn’t care about your needs or is “selfish” when it comes to sex. For men, sex is a physical action. That means most of the time we lose our erection in under a minute following orgasm and it’s impossible to get it back for at least the next half an hour. I’ve found when Mirror Image and I are having sex, sometimes it’ll take up to 2 minutes to subside which means I can carry on for a while, but this is rare – it’s happened no more than two or three times. Again, there’s no point getting upset about something he can’t control. Oh and falling asleep? That’s normal too so it’s pointless getting upset about that too.

The Thrusting

Both pornography and television get it wrong – albeit in different ways. The jackhammer approach to porn is the frustration of women faced with inexperienced men; however, how it is portrayed on television and in film – hardly any thrusting while he’s on top of her smiling into her eyes and stroking her face while the bed sheet dances artistically over them – means we will feel nothing and in all likelihood will lose our erection in no time. So, be kind, talk to your partner about what is comfortable for you and find a happy medium for both of you.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

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