I haven’t written about this subject in a while so I thought I would put something together to attempt to explain it a little more. I’ve always been sexually attracted to a certain type of woman – intelligent, thoughtful and nerdy. To a sapiosexual, intelligence is vital and a lack of intelligence can make you feel indifferent towards somebody’s attractiveness while everyone else around you is drooling.
Secondly, when you are attracted to a person’s intelligence, their looks become almost irrelevant (unless they are physically repulsive to you, you won’t care much about their looks while they are whispering quantum mechanics in your ear). Sapiosexuality is lusting for the brain and when I was dating, I had plenty of experience of that to know that this is what I want from a partner – and found it in Mirror Image.
Anyway, I came across some curious and furious debates over whether it is an orientation or a preference. This struck me as very odd that we can even have this debate that all stemmed from a change to the profile system at OKCupid to permit users to select their sexuality/orientation as sapiosexual.
I don’t really understand why this is even a debate and the more I think about it – even as a self-described sapiosexual – the more nonsensical it seems. Feeling attracted to intelligence is a preference just as preferring a body shape, body size or hair colour is a preference within an orientation which defines your sexual identity and the genders to which you are attracted. “Orientation” as we understand it, concerns gender.
Sapiosexuality has nothing to do with gender and to describe it as an orientation like heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual removes the element of gender from the preference and suggest you can be attracted to anybody with intelligence regardless of their gender. Otherwise, we might as well go the whole hog and have “blondesexual”, “legsexual” and “tallsexual” which would just seem rather silly. Does that make sense? What do others think?
My orientation is heterosexual. My preference is for intelligent, nerdy, curious, goofy women in all their glory, but the key thing is that my desire for that in a partner is limited to women.