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5 Reasons Men Use Pornography That Are Not About Women

Pornography receives a lot of (mostly justified, but not always) criticism from all angles. It is said to objectify women; some former porn stars have come out and confessed horror stories about the industry. Psychologists criticise that it creates unhealthy expectations in relationships amongst young men (though why we don’t ascribe the same criticisms to romance literature that creates equal but different damaging relationship expectations in young women is anybody’s guess).

But there are many reason men use pornography – some of them have nothing to do with women. Some of them have nothing to do with the user being a “pathetic loser” who “can’t get sex any other way”. Here are some reasons I feel men use porn.

He Has The Urge For Release

Not to generalise anybody here, but men sometimes just get the urge to fuck anything. It’s as uncontrollable and unquenchable as hunger or the need for sleep. Suppress it at your peril. Masturbation can provide some relief, but sometimes we need a little more stimulus than our own imaginations. Yes, it’s a release of pent up emotions.

It’s Escapism

If you criticise porn for its unhealthy portrayal of women and sexuality, and then justify romance literature despite having similar unhealthy portrayals of men and relationships, then you are a hypocrite. The justification for romance literature is that it is escapism – pure fantasy. The same is true of pornography. It’s gratifying escapism and nothing more.

The Variety

The same sex with the same person can get boring over the course of many years, especially when it becomes routine and perfunctory. No matter how sexy he still finds you, he will prefer to do other things from time to time. A man who loves prime steak sometimes just wants a Big Mac. The porn is the guilt-free Big Mac. It’s a way of having variety without cheating.

He’s Lonely

Yes, it’s a sad fact of life that men do get lonely. If he’s self-conscious about the fact he’s been single for so long, it may be the only way he gets sexual release. Men get virgin-shamed. We’re supposed to want it at the drop of a hat. A man who struggles to form relationships may find that pornography is his best outlet for sexual release. Sex is a need – and lonely, single male virgins need that release too.

It Helps Him Relax / Catharsis

Masturbating to pornography is not just about sexual release; it’s a type of catharsis much like hitting a punch bag, playing video games to shoot shit up. It’s a healthy way of releasing pent up anxiety and frustration. Professionals might not necessarily recommend using pornography as a form of mindfulness, to some men that is exactly what it achieves.



I go by the name of Frank Speaking. My blog "In the Mind of Men" (former name Chin Up, Chest High) started out as a chronicle of my mental health recovery. Now it is a forum where I discuss issues related to male mental health.

8 thoughts on “5 Reasons Men Use Pornography That Are Not About Women

    1. Amen. Too staged, too faked. Funny but not in a good way. It’s quite ridiculous. I think there’s very good reason when amateur stuff featuring real couples is so popular now

  1. Reblogged this on Feeling No Love and commented:
    Great post. What’s the difference between a romance novel that depicts unrealistic expectations of relationships vs. porn which depicts unrealistic expectations of sexual relationships? Are both equally bad?

    1. The very worst examples are no different although one (porn) gets more criticism. Of course, that criticism is sometimes justified but I feel some people see no difference between conventional porn and the rise of amateur couples porn where both participants clearly want to take part.

      Critics of porn are often strangely silent about that.

  2. I never understood why women get upset when their man watches porn. Unless of course, he’s using it in lieu of… then I can understand why they would become upset.

    I’ve seen porn, it doesn’t really do anything for me, but hey, whatever. Live and let live.


    1. Most porn (certainly the commercial stuff) doesn’t do it for me either. When I do watch it, it’s the amateur stuff with real couples. You can’t substitute genuine love, affection and sex for performance.

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